i want to do whatever i want
and i want to do it with you
i want to be happy
and i want you to make me happy
i want to be warm
and i want you to warm me
i want to be complete
and i need you to complete me

force me
that feeling fluttering in my stomach
my heart twists and pounds
instructions guiding my movements
my eyes burning as I follow your demands
what am I worth?
I want to know how bad I was
teach me how to be good
please
promise your words will sting

You don't stay when I'm sad
because I shouldn't be bringing you down.
I stay with you
as you threaten me with your life,
as you abuse me,
as you suffocate me with guilt,
because if I truly loved you then I would do everything for you.
I would drop everything I have,
risk my life,
when you wouldn't do the same.
You disguise your manipulative threats
so all I see is a tortured soul who needs a constant.
I'm drowning right now but you just let me.
I need someone to share my pain with.
Someone to love me
because I'm just as broken as you.

hot baths, breakdowns, too close, too loud. lost, alone, confused, worthless. self-image, self-confidence, self-love. questions. "What do you want to be when you're older?" "Where are you going to college?" "How are your grades?"
How are my grades? How am I! I'm breaking down every night, crying in the shower, trashing the organized file cabinet of my mind, scouring every inch of my consciousness trying to find out who I am. Emotionally unstable. Lost. Mentally unstable. Lost.
Ask me how I am.

I'm afraid of the future, I'm afraid of the past.
I'm afraid that you don't think of me, I'm afraid that I'm on your mind.
I'm afraid that you like her, I'm afraid that you love me.
I'm afraid to be alone, I'm afraid of crowds.
I'm afraid to be happy, I'm afraid to be sad.
I'm afraid of you, I'm afraid of me.

This is what i deal with, all of my anxiety.