You felt warm
You felt like a cozy day with hot chocolate
Like Christmas Eve watching Christmas movies
Warm like a Valentines day dinner that ended with cuddles
And then you ruined it.

What is it like?
What is it like to smell flowers in the Spring?
What is it like to feel safe and secure?
That feeling must feel like Heaven
Sweet, warm, Heaven.

What is it like to trust someone with your life;
To wakeup to someone you're loving life with?
To get one hundred percent of love from someone?
What is it like to be loved?
Properly.

Does true pain really go away, or does it get benched till another episode kicks in.

I’m not saying that I have a bad life
I have everything I need to survive
I have a job, roof over my head, support
I buy the things that I need and want
But for some reason I have a feeling in me that just does not want to leave me alone
I don’t feel like I’m worth it
Anything
I deserve nothing that would make me happy
Why? I honestly don’t know
No one understands what goes through my head
Im very insecure and constantly worried
I worry that people don’t actually like or love me
I worried that everyone thinks I’m annoying
Nothing helps me feel totally happy
Not money, family, friends, nothing
And I don’t know why.
I feel like I’m alone
No one is helping me fight my battle
A army of one
I have visions of me fighting
I have moments where I just sit in my room and drive myself crazy overthinking
I end up crying and fighting with myself
Yelling, punching things,  throwing things
And picking fights with my boyfriend
I love him I really do
But, I feel like my insecurities are pushing him away
He says he loves me but I don’t believe him
Why should I
I’m nothing, im not important to him
I feel like trash compared to the other girls he’s been with
He can do better then me

I want help and I need it but I don’t know where to get it
Self medication isn’t helping anymore
And it will get worse
I just know it
I know me

I gave up on this “friendship” a long time ago , the only reason your still here is because I’ve learned that I’m lonely with out us. I’ve fought so long on my own I’m scared of my own mind and I need someone to help me with my fear