am i broken or wrong
for mistakes can be erased
but jagged ends can only impale

am i forgotton or missed
is your silence in memory of fondness
or have i disappeared from the caves of your mind

am i dangerous or unsafe
do you worry that my grasps of love will tumble you over the edge
or do you fear that i do not see the daggers i have for teeth

am i something you fear
or does the thought of something with me chill you to your bones

I wonder how you see me
I feel larger than life
Collecting moments and breaths, bundling them into my chest
When I speak I sing, when I smile I show all my teeth

But in the quiet
Next to you, under the moon
My smile is small and tight
My voice quiet and soft

I wonder if you’re afraid
Of who you would receive
If you asked to be mine
I wonder if that fear is why--a canyon lies between us

i go back--three steps, four steps, five
i search for what i said wrong
i wonder how you never knew
it was in my eyes--my breath, my lips, my cheeks
i collected every second you gave me
like treasures from the past
that will mean only more in the future

be patient i said
soon you'll notice--care, wish, love

i was never patient--three steps, four steps, five
in our youth i wanted it now--attention, fondness, grace
and i found it others
but it was never enough

it took a decade of you to understand
why it wasn't enough

my life was always dark--cloudy, dreary, waiting
thunder sounded in my heart from the moment i met you
i pushed it aside to a place i never looked
but lightning always follows thunder--three steps, four steps, five

when it hit rain poured all over me
over our memories--our happiness, our comfort, our truth
once you're struck by lightning
everything changes

it was darker--three steps, four steps, five
and my lips trembled trying to contain the words
i've been struck i wanted to scream
but i couldn't
you weren't struck

a breath can only be held for so long--three steps, four steps, five
when it released you held me--delicately, carefully, worriedly
but it was too much all at once
and you dropped me

something shatters
not the lightning bolt in my heart
not the sky of darkness in my mind
but our memories--our happiness, our comfort, our truth

you walk away--three steps, four steps, five

I wish I could tell myself that you’re waiting
but nothing else feels more like a lie.

i miss you and love you
and wish i wasn't doing both at once.