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z.
I will do my best to remember in order these the prayers satan has returned to the adult me...

(please help me to absorb the paranoia of my uncle who
after putting a clear piece of tape on his belly button

drinks
too much)

(please make her hair fall out)

(invisibility)

(tell god but take your time)

(a secret brother.  a brother I can beat on.)

(power over girls I want nothing to do with)

(a job my mom can turn down)

(muscles that make me high)

(pain in the useless privates of my guardian angel)

(the best birdhouse)

(a grandfather or a frog, or both, with teeth)

(a nativity scene built around a piece of spat out gum)

(comic book with ******* scarecrow)

(a baby sister
to radio
my mother’s
coma)

(messenger stones)

(a double
where my hands
can sleep)

(the last dropper
of dinosaur
woe)

(Eve whose ears have amnesia)

(you, from my past)
Tonight will be different,
I'll go to sleep soon;
Just as long as I'm not bothered
By the light of the moon.
 May 2014 G H Goodland
Jade
Untitled
 May 2014 G H Goodland
Jade
What are we
Where do we stand
Is there a we?
Or is it just you, is it just me
Living symbiotically.
I could have kissed you in the car on the way to her house.
With the wind in my hair and the laugher in your eyes and It would have been so mind blowing and absolutely destructive

I could have kissed you in the park
While you were on the bench deciding what to do with me and I was pacing through the mud
Weighing my options like lead in my chest

I could have kissed you standing in your garage
Face to face in a competition
To see who would look away first. In front of all those people; in front of her and It would have been so terribly reckless and wonderfully stupid

But I often kiss you at your desk in biology two where we share a row separated by seas and planets and constellations that no one has seen before; four feet of endless distance.

It's the only place thats safe to lay my lips on yours because outside of my mind you have her. So I can't kiss you now.

I can't kiss you now.
I often build the house we could live in
With massive windows and towering ceilings
And an odd arrangement of candles that I'm so fond of
And you'll never see it but
That's ok.
And I do it all the hard way.
Because that's the truth about us.
It's hard and it won't ever happen but if it did
God wouldn't that be something
 May 2014 G H Goodland
Hayleigh
Don't try and save me.
Thousands have tried and failed,
watched disappointingly,
each time I've derailed.
Don't set of shore and raise the sails.
Im drowning,
Sinking in a sea of what could have and what should have been
There is no life boat strong enough to take back the things I've seen
withhold my weighty heart.
my soul is anchored in the the darkest parts,
The murkiest waters.
It is held down in the depths
of despair
Save your own sons and daughters.
Im a wasted rescue mission.
Throw down your ammunition
i have enough to tear myself apart.
he asked what I wanted to do. I said
write poetry
or
die.
he said
they were the same.
that memory is
a white sheet
with blood stains
that no amount of bleach
will ever be able to remove
-
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