I wish I could take back those nights when we got so close
I didn't even know what it was like to be alone.
you were my first
I know I said you weren't,
I couldn't let you know how real it was for me
how your lips on my neck felt like home
I couldn't show you that you made me feel weak
because weak meant I was all alone.

we were laying on my couch listening to the songs on your phone
I kissed your cheek
you took a kiss from my forbidden lips
but I felt complete
I knew it was going to end
because my heart was starting to bend and everything was about to break again.

I'm writing this now with tears in my eyes at 4 am
hoping that you will read this
I think I'm falling
but I know I'm pushing you away
I cant control the thoughts in my head, I cant control the pain.
I've been broken since 6 years of age because everyone left me
you're leaving too,
there is nothing I can do
I hate to say this but I think...
I LOVE YOU

I was looking in the mirror,
completely ****
staring at the scars covering my body.
I was holding,
a bottle of ambian
and a bottle of zoloft
and a bottle of xanax
i had a cup of water.
they wouldnt let me hold my meds so I cheeked them for a week
all these milligrams in my hand
these nightmares i couldn't believe.
one pill after the other
sliding down
just as easily as water pours.
I walked out the room
stumbling
because thoughts were crumbling
like a king as his throne falls
I was at a strangers house
they dropped me off and called the police
Im sure they didn't know me.
memories at light speed came rushing through
then I shut my eyes for what I hoped was the last time.

This time last year i was dying
but now i'm surviving.