it was walking on a hot pavement
with bare feet
it was screaming into the darkness
waiting for someone to show up
it was cold hands and steady walks
through woods and uncovered paths
it was finding hope
in smallest shapes
it was laughs and smiles
among broken people
it was fading away
with the sun going down
it was a small light
shining from the candle
it was a fear of being abandoned
of being left all alone
powerful word
small yet powerful hope
that keeps us going on

One pill
Panic attack stops
Two pills
Anxiety goes
Three pills
I am high up in the clouds
Four pills
Who am I?

I miss my family
or maybe I miss the abuse
I miss my family
or maybe
I miss the smell of alcohol
Coming from my fathers mouth
I miss my family
or maybe
I miss all the screaming
I miss my family
Because I do not know any different
Because trauma lives inside of me
They ruined me
A small child
Yet I still miss them
I just want to be loved

I hate you
Come and hug me
I hate you
I melt from the taste of your lips
I hate you
Don't leave me

I sit on my chair
Looking at the vase
With dried flowers
Sitting there for days
So do I
We share looks
We share the pain
We share the agony
Of no one caring

Sweating
Freezing
Tears
Numb body
Cannot move
Cannot breath
I just want to be
Free

Something died in me today
When tears started falling down
By themselves
Something died in me today
When my soul started screaming for help
Something died in me today
And I will never be the same again