in the night calm when all are asleep
i lie awake and count my dreams
although i've suffered a nightmare
or two
it all provides purpose in what's to come
to differentiate between what is
and what isn't real
in hopes to remain dreaming
while sleeping still
and even to be lost in a daze
while fully awake
to evaluate my desires
within the vastness of life
picking apart the pieces deep inside
my brain
to the pit of my center
and still it seems i have failed to find
exactly what i was looking for
they say you're so young and
you have so much time

when not even my dreams
are so rightfully mine

be knownst to the outside as
particularly set
though i have painted the image
of one whom has never been lost
so when the nightly tremors
invade my slumbering place
creating a feast off the fear of my fate
i awaken in attempt to rebuild
what is to be
lacking the knowledge and senses
of the future unseen

i tell you this
believe in your nightmares
for they are as real as the day
they are a gathering of all things
you show resistance to
things of which make you afraid
slip into the unconscious
anticipating the unknown
embrace the substance of deep thinking
even as you close your eyes
the mind never sleeps
your hopes never die

as for me
i welcome the madness that keeps awake
i accept all the challenges
of an image to portray
for who i am to be when i fall asleep
is not the same person
when i wake

i am nothing but a broken hearted
scarred and scorned woman
lacking the love and attention
that i had so long searched for
though it seems i may have found
a sudden break in the clouds
i'm terrified of what's inside
for even the sun hides sometimes

so when the floods come
and the fire burns out
and i've caused enough disappointment
and there is no tomorrow
and there is no good feeling
and there are no smiles
when the flood of my tears
destroys all you built to keep us afloat
...when it all fails

i may as well take a knife to my throat