right now,
i’d rather stare
into a black hole.
it could swallow
my anxiety away
and take me with it.
this place we call home
will soon be unbearable
to look at.

terrestrial
matter
breaking A
         P
           AA AA R
       * . •
                T
                    • . *
we will never learn.

he wears a black suit,
but the white button down
is stained
with all the damage
he’s done to you.
he smiles
when you see
all the blood.
but what he
doesn’t know
is that you’ve
collected all the evidence,
each laundry day.

the desert air was dry,
scratching his throat.
he stood at the end
of the road,
squinting in the sun.
he saw red in the distance;
the color of his lover.
he closed his eyes
and held out his hands,
waiting.

his lover pushed back
his red hair out of his face.
he came up to the ghoul
and wrapped his arms around him,
whispering to him that—
that this time was the end,
that this time...
he wouldn’t be able
to follow him.
he brought his hands
up to the ghoul’s face,
and kissed him hard.
a kiss of poison;
a kiss of goodbye.

and then the ghoul
was left...
standing alone
under the sunshine.

scariest part
is the thought:
am i really here?
please touch me,
let me know i’m here.

reminds me of you,
breathing life
into the trees.
rain drops
remind me of you,
nourishing flowers
and brightening grass.
you shine in the windows,
warming up someone’s soul,
waking up the passion of a soul.
you shower over souls,
cleaning them of dirt and sorrow.
 
you worked hard in the spring,
bringing life to decades of history,
passing down the jewels in your eyes.
you were relentless as a spring storm,
never stopping,
always nurturing the flowers in your life.
you payed close attention to the wilted,
the rotting, and the forgotten.
your gentle hands
healed the sick
and fed the hungry.
 
bright as sunlight,
you sung to those you loved,
knowing the importance
of saying those three words.
i always woke up happy to see you,
peeking in my windows,
and wrapping warm arms around
me when i was cold.
you baked me sweets,
marshmallows and peanut butter,
each bite warming my soul.
how could one ever be mad
at warmth that followed them
everywhere they went?

I wish you were here.
It’s the darkest time
of the year,
and I need you.
Your house is
empty.
Your flowers
are gone.
I used to be able
to run down next door
and see you.
But now I can’t.
I can’t even step foot
in your yard.

The birds refrain
from cleaning
their feathers
in your yard.
They come to our yard,
looking at your empty home.
They used to love your home,
and you loved them.
But they peck at the ground,
unable to find any sign of you.
They chirp for you,
calling out to you,
wanting you to feed them again.
But if they can’t come to your home,
how will they be fed?

It’s dark in the night,
so neither I
or the birds can find you.
I will wait for you,
even though it’s years
away.
I will bring you flowers
every birthday.
But the birds can find you first.
They can fly up to you
faster than I can.