The blue rain of obscurity
Blurs the edges of reality
Turns a deluge of insecurity
Into fissures of abnormality
And disappointed purity
that decays the personality

If I was a mountain

That soared towards the sky,

With craggy snow caps

And stormy grey eyes-



Then you'd be the clouds

That swaddled my peak,

That silenced my thunder

When I tried to speak.



If I was the earth

The desert, in fact:

With arid dry soil

And mud, baked and cracked-



You'd be the rain

The downpour that soothed;

The balm to my bruises,

Relief to my wounds.



If I was the Moon

In the indigo night,

With stars as my blanket

And silver; my light-



Well you'd be the Sun

Just always behind

That lent me your glow

And caused me to shine.

Fill my heart with a love song,
look at me with those eyes,
green,
emerald,
Remember me when the sun shines and burns your spine.

I will count every birthmark and mole on your skin,
olive eyes,
kiss me when noon begins.

Smile at me,
broad and brittle,
cigarette-stained teeth,
squinted iridescent eyes,
look at me,
take my heart,
don't set me free.

Wander around me,
replete with nostalgia,
while you sleep I stare,
unwillingly I smile,
green is absent.

The ocean,
heaven,
clouds,
the sun,
the sound of your voice singing my song.
The colour of your eyes,
forest and lime,
when they look at me I see hope,
in every shade of green, you're sublime.

I wonder if you’d want to know
I named all of my demons after you and
they haunt me in my sleep

when I was 14 I fell asleep in April and dreamed of bones and
I’m not sure I’ve really ever woken up since

when I lost 5 pounds I never saw a difference

when I lost 10 my mother said I was looking good

when I lost 20 she told me to stop and handed me food
and I became anemic

when I lost 25 I stopped drinking anything because
I felt water had calories

when I lost 30 my mother held me on her lap
and held my bones together for me

when I lost 35 I started fainting every morning and
the doctors could no longer easily find my blood pressure

when I lost 40 people started to stare and food made me cry

when I lost 45 it hurt to walk and to lay down
it hurt to eat
it hurt to breathe and
I started throwing up my empty stomach

the mind plays tricks on those that decide
nourishment is not needed

Eat.