love doesn't hurt
love didn't hurt
love doesn't break bones
or slit throats
love removed all your past pain
and gave me a life in you

so don't you dare blame
the one thing
that puts life into life itself
and makes a flower
feel like a garden
for your own shortcomings

the pain wasn't love
the pain was you taking love away
over and over again
for different reasons everytime
most of which didn't have anything
to do with love but were your own dilemmas

love didn't hurt nor ****
you did
forgetting that in order to keep love
one must love back with persistence
compromise & commit
those form a base for love to grow

perhaps I can do nothing
except wish that
one of the two didn't happen
either i never saw you
or you never left
all the times you did

The place we stood to take photos
and you shamelessly owned your bright red chappal (slippers)
and I loved it
the place where I loved you
we checked the shades of lipsticks on our hands
love red on your hand and your skin cream on mine
the place where you asked me for a hug
and your mom nearly caught us in the act

This was also the place we shopped for you
where you kissed me inside a cabin in a try room
the same place we had a conversation & cinnabon
while people stared and almost envied you
because of all the love you got from me
where we loved the dazzling blue traditional dress
which was just too expensive
but that didn't stop us from looking

The place where we broke stereotypes
in more ways than one
and I couldn't help but remember how
we both hated shopping
but loved shopping together
how you always picked faster than I did
but i still picked for you
because you liked it better that way

All I could think of were the words
words you had said there then
and I could only ask myself
if you ever meant a single one

"Choose for me"
"Your choice of dress makes my Eid special"
"Kiss me"
"You are my favorite person to shop with"
"Lets do this again soon"
"Thankyou for the beautiful day"
"I love you"

Those words still echo through the walls of that place
and the walls inside my head

echo
Echo
ECHO
LOUD
STOP

I LOVE YOU
YOU SAID THAT
I FCKING LOVE YOU
YOU SAID THAT

STOP
LOUD
ECHO
Echo
echo

All I can think of are the words
you say now

"I don't even love you anymore"
"I didn't miss you"
"I hope you die"
"I don't want a forever with you"
"I can't commit to you anymore"

I am haunted by your ghost
in this city
and I say ghost because you are dead
this person is a shell with no soul
or heart

I am haunted by your ghost
in this city
everything smells of you
and looks like you
and sounds like you

And I am going crazy
in this place
where **we loved

I know what you call heartbreak
I know the secrets of your body*

your body breaks more than your heart
you want to fall down
let go of your two feet
stay in bed let your eyes weep
growling stomach - hunger but oh
you can't eat
you forget
you forget that you did this to yourself

your body is tired
its tired of missing a heart
and it seeks a break
from none but you
not all sickness is a mental illness
it just wants you to know
you forget that your period
isn't due in ten days, its due in two
and your body longs for someone
who can just remember that for you

where will you find another one like me

If you were me
you'd hate you too
for the broken promises
false words
fake tries
true lies

you'd hate yourself too
because you're the most selfish
that a person can ever be
you pick people out
just to use them and keep them
keep them till they tell you who you are
and then you throw them

you'd hate yourself too
because no sane man or woman
loses their mind like you do
***** you are crazy
its either the chemicals in your brain
or past pain but whatever it is
it has nothing to do with me

you'd hate yourself too
because you take a 180 flip
you’d say you love me
and then you won’t
you’d want to marry me
and the next moment
you’d want to fck a white boy

you’d hate yourself too
because you’d see the pure evil
behind the fake innocence
the devil behind that fake smile
the selfish ***** acting all selfless and kind
the liar making promises
promises she never intends to keep

you’d hate yourself too
because you’d see the girl I loved
and how that girl kicked me and killed me
again and again and again and again
in so many different ways
for reasons unjust
for self satisfication

you’d hate yourself
down to your very core
even if I never could