today in english class,
with my bare legs clenched and crossed almost as tight as I close my eyes when i see you,
i forgot how to breathe all over again,

you picked the part of Brutus while reading Julius Caesar,
the honorable, noble man,
looking me into the eyes like you did when you used to grab my throat,
and then the topic of manipulation came up,

you see, my teacher asked if anyone had gotten away with lying to someone to get another to comply,
you laughed instantly, saying
“i can get anyone to do anything,
i get whatever i want,”

seeing you everyday was hard enough,
you,
my abuser,
my ******,
we were best friends once, before you saw my body as your own,
and i know i am not allowed to complain,
it was my fault,
you did nothing wrong,
i am the reason you act like this i made you like this,

Brutus kills Julius Caesar, a man he loved and was brothers with.
i wonder if you would **** me out of love like that as well,
but then i remember,

you didn’t have the decency enough to love me.

I started skipping meals again,
It’s honestly not a big deal.
Because just when someone notices,
They tell you how to feel.
I want someone to love me,
I need to feel that fire.
But all I’ve ever really known is how to be desired.
Because if they don’t like you,
There must be something wrong.
So here I am, replaying and repeating, the exact same song.
Because if someone likes what they see,
They are more likely to try it.
But I don’t want to be tried anymore,
For God’s sakes just buy it.
Because I’m not a cheap tester perfume with the paper thrown away,
And I’ve been treated like that almost everyday.
I started skipping meals again so I could be ideal,
I wanted to be seen as special,
I’m just trying to heal.
But maybe I don’t want to be seen anymore,
I can’t deal with anymore eyes.
So now I listen to this broken record,
Telling me societies lies.
I am beautiful and I can be happy,
No matter what they say.
You can always buy a new record,
Just as tomorrow is a new day.

i kept your compliments in a locket
your sweet whispers wrapped in lace
i did not care about the harsh words
even when they ran down my face
and the blood trickled down and mixed with my tears
you still said i looked pretty that day
and i know it’s been two years
but do you still want to be my prom date?

i remember confiding in you.
telling you about the men who stole from me,
tore apart my flesh,
took everything i had when i was too young to understand i was losing something,
and i remember your face.
your face was filled with pain as you told me it wasn’t my fault,
that i did nothing wrong and there was nothing more i could’ve done,
you were going to be the good i saw in men.

i remember when i told you about the boys who asked me for pictures.
and all of the lies they told to force me into doing it,
saying they would come to my house and do the things that those men had done,
i was afraid.
but when i told you there was promise and hope in your eyes,
comforting me telling me that once again,
i was not to blame.
you were going to be the good i saw in men.

and then you became worse than the men i had told you about.
each and every one.

you said it you wanted me to become comfortable in my body.
you said that you knew how insecure i was and wanted to make me feel better about myself.
you said i had to because if i could do it for other guys, i owed it to him.
you said you were going to **** yourself if i didn’t.

i loved you,
and i think i always will.
you made me realize that there is no good in men,
and for the two years you forced me into submission,
i will never get the part of myself that you stole back.

What a world
I, a young girl live in
Where the women will judge you
And the men will hunt you
He will force you into things unimaginable
She will accuse you for every second of it
We can’t blame either side
Because they equally are at fault
But what do I know
I’m just a young girl
What a world
What a world