Depression is the teddy bear you get as a little kid that you still seem to keep around as a bed decoration no matter how old you are
You sleep on it
Cry on it
Squeeze it
You're never able to let it go
It clings to you like an old memory that you never want to forget
You feel sick for loving it because you feel you've moved on
But you haven't and you think about it every day and you can't sleep because it stares at you in the eyes every time you try and whispers "no one cares" and you eat it up like your favorite left overs

Anxiety is the spine you carry in your back that bends and twists in ways you never thought
You feel agile and alive but other times it's a burden that weighs you down and you feel you could snap at any second
People try to help you but you bend over backwards trying to fix yourself but it just never ******* works so you blame yourself thinking you cannot be saved

Paranoia is the constant fear I have that all my friends aren't my friends
It's the feeling that all the right people hate me and all the wrong ones praise me
That looking at him and his friends makes me so jealous, I believe that he never wants to talk to me again that I'm just a problem, a text that he rolls his eyes at whenever he sees it's me messaging him

And the worst part is that it feels like home
When I'm engulfed in the thoughts I have when I'm alone I can't help but smile because my problems are all I know

Not dead,
yet slowly dying.
But you can't fault me
or blame me
for trying.
And I'd be lying:
if I said I didn't miss her,
Or that I didn't want to kiss her
again.
But it's too late for that now.
Too much sorrow.
Too much pain.
She gets on fine without me
so why can't I do the same?

I don't know.
And doubt I'll ever.
It went by so fast,
when we were together.
Now I'm stuck here,
alone,
in the cold rainy weather.
Wondering whether
you even think of me at all.
If you're feeling as I feel
or you're standing up tall.
I wonder a lot.
Wondering if I should call
only to be put on hold.
All my life I've waited
and now
I've already grown
far too old.

I remember now why I forget.
Killing me slowly
like smoke from your cigarette.
Filling me from the inside.
Invading me
poisoning me.
A little mistress of death
I wish I had never met.

I used think
Of suicide
All the time

How
When
Where

But really,
Suicide
Sounds like a lot
Of work

What I really wish
Is that death
Would just take me
And I wouldn't have to come
To it

That I would fall from great heights
But not on purpose

That a bear would eat me
Without prompting

That water would take me
Without my help

That I would just die
But not on purpose

Or even better
But truly impossible,

I wish I had never been born

That I had never disgraced
This world
With my presence

That I never
Met you
So you wouldn't have to pretend
To be my friend

That I never
Forced my
Ugly words
On people

I honestly wish I had never been born

So no,
I do not
Want to commit suicide

But yes,
I do want to die
Or have never been alive

We tell them we’re fine
But it’s not like they’d listen anyway, right?
Save your words
They won’t be heard
And the silence is what you really prefer

We tell them we’re fine
They won’t know the difference
Our emotionless face won’t show it
Our broken hearts won’t bestow it
Why try to explain
When the only feeling we know is pain

We tell them we’re fine
Because we just want to be left alone
We don’t want them to listen
We can solve it ourselves
Take another hit, make another slit
It’ll be alright

We tell them we’re f*cked up
Because we don’t want to be alone
We want them to listen
We can’t solve it ourselves
Put the drugs away, put the razor down
It’ll be alright...