he gave me afterglow, soft, radiating through the translucency of my skin

makeup running breath catching

eyes black deep poetic

consumed me

Borderline personality disorder Unseen people unseen energies tickling my back Distrust paranoia Longing for love unwilling to accept Dreaming of self harm of boys in all black Who am I to you Trust no one not even your best friend especially not them Avert your eyes don’t look at me I don’t see you I hear things that aren’t there I hear things they whisper my name want me to follow Casual *** casually falling in love Relapse around the corner need to see my blood I smell blood I taste it Close my eyes move to music become a ghost Crying in my bedroom crying in public No one sees I am invisible Think horrible things think about killing A certainty that I will end up alone This sounds like a suicide note Want to be art want to be in the ground burned to ash Who AM I ******* daily In love with love In love with being on my own I can’t belong to anyone I want to belong to someone Can’t be a girlfriend can’t be a best friend Can’t lose me that’s all I have in the end I sound ******* nuts Borderline personality Don’t smile Won’t smile Bitterness bitterness Too afraid to hang myself Punch myself in the face Spit on me Respect me Degrade me Take me away take me in What the **** is wrong with me

Older men drinking
They surround me want to be inside me I shrink away
I shrink AWAY
He tells me I’m beautiful says
You should be a movie star
He wants to ******* to a still of me on the screen
His wife sleeping in the other room
Men disgust me I wish I were dead
I wish I hadn’t drank so much
I smell like cigarettes my eyes burn
Don’t ******* cry don’t
Think of the way his hand on me makes my flesh curl
The one I love is gone he has always been gone
I’m in love with HIM
An older man he is off limits he can never be mine
I love him I know I am enough
He wants more than what she can be
That is me
Other men touch me and I want to flee
To flee into the arms of someone who has never held me
Outside of my dreams and confessions
I wish I could see more straight
I want to run away with him

Music pulsing

I smell sweat I smell

Beer spilled all over the ground like secrets whispered to the girl in the stall left of mine

I look at him I try to look through him I can’t

Perhaps I have met my match

He is enticing he is beautiful

The contrast of our skin is the make of ink on parchment paper soon to be love letters

Burn them all destroy what could have been good for me

What the **** is good for me I’m good for nothing for no one

I close my eyes I move

Sensuality

Pushing pulling me away me to HIM

He used to scream in my face to breathe hot breath into my heart

Wanted to ruin me he did but

Not irrevocably

I am more now I am less everything is overwhelming underwhelming

This life this human shell is it mine

It all stares back at me in the silver backed mirror

I shake I shiver

He makes me tremble but not like HE did

Anticipation for love he makes me come

Anticipation for /uninvited pain/ he made me whither

I dance I move my hands my hips

Contort my body think of me in bed

He kissed me gently his arm around my shoulders

HOME

Protect me invite me to stay I want to STAY

Pitter patter shoes on the pavement

A young bird watching falls in love with the sound of

Soles on the ground

Souls on the ground

Shoe laces knotted neatly

Scuff marks on the toe

The young girl sits below she

Cries she lifts her eyes she falls in love with the sound of

Music ringing

The bird, singing

Feathers float slowly down they rest on the tendrils of hair

The tendrils of hair float around her eyes they frame her face

She is alone she is

She is She is

Who is she?

She is giving up the bird is getting up

The bird fell in love with the way her sadness caused

Eyes to avert caused rain to fall pitter patter on the ground

The bird falls the bird falls

Gleaming black eyes peer at the girl

Peer past the scuffed toe the knotted laces the knobby knees

The downcast face the tear stains the braces

Broken wing broken wing

The bird is Broken but it’s little heart flutters

Never has anything looked so beautiful as

The sun forming a halo round the face of an angel

Never has anything been so beautiful as

The tears that are falling for He and He Alone