For 116 days you
occupied my heart and
most of my thoughts.
My skin was branded
when you left on day 83.
Every familiar sight, sound,
touch, smell, taste reminded
me of you...

Last night (day 117),
I kissed someone new,
and none of him
reminded me of you.
I let his hands wander,
let him steal my
breathe, but
not my heart.

Today I set my calendar
back to day 1.
My days belong to me.

I am free of you,
and I miss the feeling
of missing you...

My soul has been sad for far too long.
I want to be joyful again.
I want the still, small, quiet moments to not be filled with anyones memory.

My soul aches and my body is tired.

I wish I never learned the truth about you, at least then I could go to sleep with the perfect image I had of you in my head.
But you distorted it.
My eyes were opened.
I was forced to see the truth.
It wasn't because of what you thought was best for me.
It wasn't romantic, selfless, valiant, or brave.
It was selfish, narcissistic, egotistical, lustful and painful.
Nothing will change that.

But I'm a lover.
I don't love many,
but the ones I do,
I always will.

I love deeply, courageously, boldly, widely, and freely.

I just need to let go of your memory,
so that my soul can be happy again.

do we write to remember,
or are we writing to forget?

It's weird having a best friend that you're not close to anymore. It's weird remembering all the laughter, tears, hugs, and fears that were shared. We never thought our farewell would come so soon. There wasn't a falling out. It wasn't because of anything in particular. Anything but distance. 1,956 miles of distance. Which makes me wonder if we were honestly friends or just friends because of convenience. We shared our whole lives with each other, but now, we rarely talk. It's weird to have to think if I should go into the details of my heartbreak, my love, my life with you. Or if I should just scratch the surface like I would do with any other stranger. I'm not the same person I was when you left. I've changed. I have learned my lessons the hard way. But every part of me wishes you were there with me. We never think the last time would be the last time. I miss you, bestfriend. I miss you so much it hurts.

Rain.
Never ending rain.
It's cold, dark, and lonely - but I find comfort here in the rain.
You weren't my sunshine.
My bright, sunny day.
You were the rain, but I found comfort in the pain.