You're a waste of space.
What's wrong with you?
Why can't you perform better on quizzes?
Why doesn't anyone want to be your friend?
You're too weird to have friends.
You don't deserve friends.
Stop looking at your phone.
Communicate with me for once.
You need help.
But I'm not going to be the stepping stone to get you to a professional.
You're useless.
Didn't anyone tell you your fake.
****.
******.
No one likes you four eyes.
I'm sorry I didn't mean it.
Why can't you think clearly.
Stop crying.
No one cares about your tears.
Be stronger.
Your creating a scene.
Control yourself.
I care about you.
Look prettier next time.
What's up with your style?
Stop trying to be unique. It's a bad look on you.
Be more talented.
Try harder.
It's only because I care.
You're not trying hard enough.
It's only because I care.
Fight back.
Not with words, with fists.
Stop being the nice push-over.
It's only because I care.

But now ...
I've stopped caring

I write my friends letters
Personalized to our shared experiences
I get them roses, pounds of candy
And tell them how beautiful they are

Some call me "the sweetest"
Or "the nicest they've ever known"
But I never believe it
I can't

These actions are normal to me
I give my friends and strangers gifts
To make their days brighter
Their smiles wider

Some yell when I deny their compliments
They don't understand
But how can they
When I don't myself

After I've been hated
Beaten
Abused for so long
How can I expect to be loved

The mental scars remain
From what my classmates did
What they still do
To bring down my spirits

So when given a compliment
I may smile
Say thank you
Or make an awkward gesture

But the thought that you took time
To say anything
Keeps my candle burning, continuing my life
To give more gifts to others

So to those who say thank you
Just two small words
Just know that the phrase itself
Makes me want to live more than anything

The end
It's almost upon me
Approaching like a cheetah
I cannot escape

The night I get dressed up
With a gown around me
The hat on my head
The tassels

The cords around my neck
Strangling me
Making it hard to breathe
The words escaping

I don't want this night to come
The stage lights producing sweat
As I walk across to receive a piece of paper
Saying I made it
I survived

I'm meant to celebrate
The end of my journey
The end of the hell
All my classmates put me through

But that night
When I move my tassel
Will be the beginning
Of my goodbyes

There have been very few
To be by my side
To encourage me
To love me

While some leave with me
To places unknown
I must leave some back
To survive alone in this ring of fire

I won't survive the night
Without tears down my face
Without choking on my words
My fears

How do you tell someone
That you love them
And that they alone
Have helped you live

No one said goodbyes were easy
But now I know what they mean
I feel it in my heart
The emptiness
The loneliness

So I walk towards my teacher
Thinking about my friends
Grab the diploma
And cry

I was born to be forgotten
Swept under the rug
I wasn't meant to be anything exceptional
Just average

As I grew older
The teachers saw potential
The ability to pick up things quickly
And never yell, scream, or back-talk

I am shy
I never talk unless talked to
Which leads people to think
I don't exist

People push past me in a hallway
No acknowledging my existence
And I wonder
Do I exist?

Some people don't realize I'm in their grade
I slip by undetected
Without a glance
Without a word

I was born to be misplaced
And when you are born a certain way
It seems that fate doesn't let you change
So I will forever be
Forgotten

My skin with all the acne
My feet for being too big
My height
My style
My nails
My weight
My shyness
My uncleanliness
My work ethic
My weight
How I play my instruments
My physics grade
My hair
My personality
My smile
My teeth
My chest
My weight
My divorced parents
How my mom expects too much
My sloppy handwriting
How I can't express my feelings
My weight
My weight
My weight

That's all my mom seems to mention
Not my outfit
Or my oily hair
But my weight

She tells me to love myself
But how can I
When the person I look up to the most
Is always trying to change me

You
With your brunette hair
And warm eyes
A smile that wins me over

I've talked to you twice
Hearing your voice keeps my attention
Every laugh
The cheekbones rising up your face

You live a country away
On the opposite coast
The thought of hugging each other
Keeps me breathing

A hug
A simple act of friendship
That will make me at home
To feel safe

You always make me feel safe
We talk for hours on Twitter
The blue bird our messenger
As it is faster than letters

My biggest fear?
Losing you
We may have only known each other a bit over a month
But the love you share is all I need

Will you remember me?
With my slightly above average grades
My long hair
The chubby physique

I always had a feeling
A want, no
A desire
To be remembered

I just wanted a friend
Who would miss me when I leave
One who would hug me so tightly
That I wouldn't be able to breathe

I've had times where I couldn't breathe
But not from a hug or warm embrace
From being lied to
Back stabbed with a thousand knives

The sting of being hated
The tears I've shed because I know I'm hated
The emotions like a roller coaster
A never-ending thrill ride

All I wanted was to be remembered
But not like this
Because why would someone
     With scars
     With pain in their eyes
     With a beaten up body
Want to be remembered