Her lips, tight and curved,
Ready to string up an arrow
And launch it to the sky
To explode into a fine dust
Where a myriad of stars congregate
Just to kiss your freckled cheeks

Deep thoughts
Fill her head
She wishes to share
But no one listens

The boy wants to say
To his love
I love you
But he doesn't listen

The dog howles
He is in pain
In the middle of the night
But the neighbors don't listen

The old house groans
Protests the people
The furniture too
But the people don't listen

The girl slits her wrists
Gives up on her life
Falls into an abyss
Because nobody listened

The boy told his love
His love laughed
Called him ***
Because his love did no listen

The dog lies dying
Still whinnying
Wanting to be loved
Because the neighbors did not listen

The house is tired
With holes and broken wood
Abandoned and forgotten
The people did not listen

So listen

Tooth paste
And a good scrub,
The burn of Listerine

Baby, you can try
All you want but
You wear the stench of
Puke strongly

The stench so strong almost
Makes you purge a
Second time

The only difference is
The next time around
Is an accident

But it's not like
It matters

You enjoy the feeling anyways
Makes you proud in the moment
But later you'll be crying
Drowning in regret

No amount of Listerine
Can burn away the guilt
Of an empty belly
And a good cry

Little boy
With the heart so tender
And fingers so fine
While intertwined with mine
You know that the sun is there
But yet you continue to frown
Because you can't have it
All for your own

I know I might not be the sun
Just another lonely star in another
Far away constellation
But I hope I am good enough for you

Little boy
With arms open wide
You face the struggle of the world
Head on
I hope I can ease the pain
The world has to hand you
Because you have sure eased mine

I only wanted to be
Enough, but as always
You didn't deem me as enough

No, instead you broke
My heart with such ease
I wonder if you're even human

I understand why you left
My hobby was over bearing
You kept to your promise

So leave and chase your sun
While your old, out of date star
Sits here, collapsing in on itself

Creating a black hole of
Misery and self loathing
While I whisper I'm fine

But I'm not

With that razor
Every slice I make
I hurt the scared little girl
That's pounding on my heart

She just wants to be free from me, too

She lost herself in the
Music
And she got lost in the
Words
These were her few
Escapes
That no one had
Heard

She tried to mumble
Softly that she was in
Need of some help
Because when you're so broken
It's hard to find yourself

She lost herself to the
Cutting
And don't forget the
Purging too
She fell on the way from
Hitting herself
And now she's stuck there too

No one can hear
Our sad, small cries
Maybe if we just started
Screaming they would come
Rushing to us in surprise

I don't want to loose
Myself in this old world
I want to push away my demons and
Leave them all for good

I just need a helping hand
Because I feel so blind
I've lost myself to this old world
I have lost my soul and mind

So guide me back to the place
Where I first lost you
Maybe that way I can find
Where I lost myself too

You look me in the eyes
And threaten to leave me
Because you think my blades
Are all that I can see

But the truth is that
Just because I love you
Doesn't mean you can fix me
This you can simply not do

I will stop on my own time
With my own will
And it will not be because of
Love for you

But love for myself

Love is
When they become
Every thought
Asleep and awake

Love is
When you put them
First in your life
And try to make them happy

Love is
Staying up till
Four in the morning with
Me while I talk of nonsense

Love is
Leaning over me and
Whispering in my ear that the
Morning has come

Love is
Sharing your sweaters
And jackets because it's
All the same in the end

Love is
Talking about the future pets
You will buy together
In your ****** apartment

Love is
Being able to laugh at each
Others mistakes
And not so funny jokes

Love is
Never having an awkward silence
Just silence that is perfect
Because words aren't always needed

Love is
Holding me down
When I try to hurt myself
Because you care too much

Love is
Some how letting someone
Into your heart
And giving them water to grow

Love is
******* up at times
And learning from the past
And not allowing one thing to mess it up

Love is
Farting on one another
And not caring
If ones legs or face is shaved

Love is
Thinking I'm still beautiful
With my hair up
And no bra on

Love is
All I want right now
I'm craving it
And I fear it most

Love is a
Sinking ship
A ship of which I
Am captain of

I am going down
With this ship
There is no other
Way to run, dear

No*
Me being pansexual
Has nothing to do with
Greed or confusion

It is simply me
And who I am
Making a statement
That shouldn't have to be made

Love is blind*
Not black or white
Not male or female
Or somebody in between

It is not simply a boy
And a girl
Love is universal
Love is everywhere

And if I still am having
To make this statement
And people still don't understand
I will keep making this statement

Till the world fully understand *love

I've just met you
But talking to you
Makes my heart flutter
And we're only on day two

Our conversations feel
Like they are crammed together
Making up for years
Of worn out life, like leather

Your voice hits me hard
Affects my vocal strands
Makes me stutter and fumble
Sweaty and cold hands

Being friends with someone
Who listens but doesn't pity
Who doesn't judge or make assumptions
Who likes me for me

Is a shock to the system
A feeling foreign to me
I hope our friendship can blossom and further
Turn into a wild tree

Maybe we can be
For than "just friends" some day
But for now, friendship is new and magical
I wouldn't have it any other way

I deactivated my Facebook
Deactivated is such a strange word
More like I left because I was tired of seeing
Every one talking to one another

Every one discussing weekend plans
Of past, present, and soon to come
Of their fun family trips
And I'm sitting here

Lonely and uninvited
Crying my eyes out
Wishing for a friend
Hoping to be liked

Jealous? Definitely.
My two best friends don't talk
To me, but they talk to their
Facebook walls and other people

They hang out with others
Others but me
I'm not saying they can't have
Their own set of friends

I just feel cheated because
Whenever they need me I try to
Always show up and
Pat their backs and wipe tears

But in a time where I need
My friends the most
They've vanished for what seems like forever
Abandoned me

I just don't want to be alone
Can't be alone
When I am suicide pops up
And the cutting starts again

So please friends don't
Leave me alone

I'm standing by
The ocean sea, blue
My toes loosing their warmth
Waiting for you

My lips turned down
Not a smile to be seen
My finger nails purple
Cries shatter the silence in between

I know you're not returning my love
But I can still wait and pray
Five days later
I'm thinking of taking my life away

A week and a half
The water so calm and at a lull
Maybe it could comfort me
If I didn't know it had eaten you whole

Three months pass me by
They whisper to me of my cries
The inhuman sounds I make at night
A melancholy lullaby

I promise to wait for you my dear
To sit patiently by the water side
To wait for your return
For the waves to let ride

I could be better,
But I am better
Than it could be
That's enough for me

For the moment being
A moment I hold close
I don't want to let go
But I'm stuck in comatose  

I refuse to face reality
I run and hide
Because around ever corner
I see what I don't want to inside

I see the monster
I see the ghoul
I see a young girl
Who broke all her rules

And at the end of the day
I cant change my ways
Repetition is a curse
Repeating things in a haze

My head has become
Detrimental to my health
My own enemy
She steals my happiness with stealth

This monster that I've become
Is not what I want to be
I'm trying hard to
Fix my destiny

But the clock is ticking
My precious time trickling away
Slipping through the hands
Who made me this way

So I guess this is
My farewell note
I'm going to **** my monster
This is the last letter she wrote

The windows to your world
Start to slowly close shut
Fingers move less nimbily
Brain clicks into auto pilot

As the world gyrates around you
You stay perfectly still
The noise is distant, miles away
Almost an out of body ordeal

Your feline or canine friend
Snuggled close to youd back
Pillows surround the body
Thoughts drifting more and more of track

Floating into the darkness
Upward into the sky
You ponder your life
And ask the important questions like "why?'

Finally it engulfs you
Swollowing you whole
Mr. Sand Man's job is done
And he has checked off all his goals

I dreamt I was going
I cut my short life more
The pills in my right hand
As I lay on the bathroom floor

A good friend ran in
Slapped the pills from my hand
She held me as I cried
But she did not understand

Later my past lover
Asked me to sit near
He smiled and flirted
Like it hand not been years

And my poor angel pup
Came into play
In my dream he did not die
Instead he had ran away

He returned to me
Drool pooling down his muzzle
He held him till I woke up
Confused and so puzzled

I lay in bed ten minutes straight
Attempting to sort my thoughts
Tears pooled at the corners of my eyes
As I realized my dream was not

I remember a time when
We stayed up till two
With dry eyes and smiles
Plastered across our face

But the mold has broken

And you don't talk to me
Instead you ignore my pleading,
Long paragraphs of thought
Formed into words

But everything has changed

You would say
"I cannot imgine you not in my life"
But here I am
Sitting on the outskirts of your mind

And I have almost been fully kicked out of town

Oh it pains me to see you
Broke and torn down
But obviously I am no longer
Of use to you

Maybe leaving would be better, but
I have been told that isn't what friends do
But I am not a friend to
You anymore

Am I?

Pathetic is the label
I've branded onto my own skin
With razor blades and broken glass
With the voices that are within

I can't even look at my own
Body without shying back with disgust
And regret of the first day
I chased after the razors with lust

Weak is what I see
It's filled up every corner of me
And while everyone stares so blindingly
With their smiles curved so happily

I cry and feel empty
Though I'm filled with so much hate
Filled with anger and sorrow
That the blades are my lonely fate

Wide as a bus, she stares back at me
Fat spilling over my jeans
And pushing against my shirt
Pop pop popping at the seams

I will never be perfect
But I will always try
Even if that means not eating
And sneaking in some lies

This is my globe
That I revolve around
This is my tiny world
Where I feel so safe and sound

I'm sick
In the head
And I don't want to be

The voices tell me so
That soon I will be dead
But I'm really not ready

Don't let them take me
Let me stay here instead
I don't want to go now

I use to want just that
To be lying lifeless in bed
But the winds have changed, mama

And I want to ignore their words
That are filled with absolute dread
But they wash over me

Imprint their nasty fortunes
Begging to be fed
I try to starve them but they win

I don't want to die yet
I've still got some tears to shed
So I'll keep on hearing voices

Just for you and only you

Trying to find some inspiration
While my mind is negotiating
With my heart as its fibrillating
To let go of you

I wasn't good enough
For you to stay
You decided to find love
A different way

You left me thinking
I was broken somehow
That I loved you wrong
And it's over now

It's over for you
But not for me
You still haunt
My memories

You slip into my dreams
And you whisper quietly
"No one will ever love you
Like you love me"

What's so wrong about me
That makes people leave
What scared you away
And left me to grieve

You found happiness
In someone else's arms
They give you peace of mind
Apparently I caused you harm

I'm still clueless
And I feel so alone
Surrounded by people
My home isn't my home

It's an empty shell
Without you next in bed
I can't shut these thoughts up
They're racing through my head

I try to live without you
But it doesn't feel like living
I try to love without you
But I end up giving more than receiving

As the years go by
Maybe it will hurt less
But right now
You've ripped my heart from my chest

I pretend it's okay
To see you with them
But I honestly can't
Seem to comprehend

Why I wasn't enough
Why I couldn't be what you wanted
I don't know what I messed up
But every night I'm haunted

With how things could have gone
The life we could have had
The love I felt for you
Was I really so bad

I'll never be enough
For you or for the next
I should just give up
And put myself to rest

If I write my poems
All mainstream and generic
With a certain pattern
That's catchy and rhythmic

Maybe I will
Be more liked
If I use small words
On this website

No.
That is not poetry you see
Poetry follows few rules and regulations
More as guidelines
And poetry does not give a ****
About what you think

It is art
In yet another form
A way to express the thoughts
That rage and are bottled inside

It is a more peaceful way
Of releasing a monster that dwells
Instead of picking fights
I pick stories to tell

So don't tell me
What is and is not
You don't make that call
Don't try to play God

I suggest you to discover a sport
A bored game of sorts
Dive into your classes as school
With all these teachings and rules

If rules make you happy
And make you feel safe
Poetry might not be
Your forte

I don't want to feel anymore
And I don't think I could
Even if I wanted to
Even if they say I should

I physically cannot bear
More mental pain
I receive enough hurt
From my own brain

So drowning out the feelings
And cutting off the ties
Is all that I can do
To try and survive

Day by day passes
But I barely feel a thing
The world seems surreal
I'm not sure any of this is happening

Maybe it's all an illusion
Just some ****** up dream
Maybe my reality is
Not quite what it seems

Because when I slice into my
Arm and watch the blood pour out
It looks like I'm cutting paper
And heightening all my doubts

My doubts on my family
My friends and the sky
The trees that sway around
They seem to wave good bye

Well I wave bye to you, reader
Because this just might be it
This might be the last of everything
I think it's time to quite

Of course you've left
I don't blame you
Because who could love a girl
Who does not love herself
What man could just stand by
And watch her slowly die
Take razors to her skin
And fight a loosing battle within

Of course you don't want to
Be around for my own demise
I'm only a ticking time bomb
Watching the world pass
Me by while I do nothing
But sit in a puddle of my own self loathing
Who would want to stick around for that

No one would
No one can love a girl
Who doesn't love herself
Due to the voices in her head
Placed there by years of torture and
Genetics, not by choice but
Only by force
Of course you wouldn't love me

Who could love a girl
Who doesn't even love herself?

The answer is obviously
No one

Pick me up from my
*****, scratched knees and set
Me on my way
Because there is more to this
Old world than the people who
Were placed on it

One more time
You said one more time
Then you would leave

So you did
Now it's not just one
More time

I can't stop
Taking the blade to
Fresh skin

I am so sorry I
Let you down
But that is what I am best at