I've done it again, I've cut you with my clumsiness.

A slip of the tongue and laughter loses all that which it once held, falling flawlessly like water through cupped hands.
I kneel before you, attempt to staunch the flow, sudden now, gushing and suspiciously darkened red.

Can't you see what it is that you do to me? Can you not hear the words you speak?  
My hands may be red but so are yours.

I mirror your actions and the consequences are dire; I hate to call you a hypocrite but this self sympathy is starting to get old.

It’s like I wanted you to love me because you were the least likely to, so it was safe to want you because it would never happen. And now you love me and I cannot take back the words I do not mean but which keep slipping off my tongue every time you say I love you.

I love you I love you I love you.

Each a different lie spoken by deceiving tongues. The more you say it the less it means. The more time I spend with you the more I cherish being alone.
I do not want your love nor your hands nor your smiles and happiness or eternal preoccupation with how much you perceive everyone either wants you or to be you.
You are sad and strange and closed off, but now so cracked open wide that I can feel nothing but contempt. Like the still homeless sat with defeat painted on their faces, it is far too easy to want to kick something which is already down than muddy your hand trying to pick it up.

I do not want you, I am afraid. I want the safety of impossibility; you have become far too willing.

I will be nothing for you

No smiles in the darkness
Are to be found on these lips
Lips which curve all too readily
When laughter lingers

Eyes will venture elsewhere
And my feet will follow
For to stay still
Is to degrade;
             to ferment

Even though fermenting
Could yield the sweetest things with you.

Yes, you left.

but yet here remain? Innate and insurmountable.

It is too dark and too late and too soon

It’s always the daytime someplace
And if we were there you would say
It’s too light and too early and too late

And so neutrality would be preferred,
To maintain ourselves on both sides of the fence?

Either side of the fence, you mean
For opposite we stand and shall remain
Until you let me climb over
Where the grass is green

It is no greener here
And all the more feet for trampling
Would ruin what is already bruised
And which would never grow back

I would not trample you.

We were talking about the grass
But now, yes, you will obliterate me
If you take but one step closer

Darling I will leave you
If you do not burn down that dratted fence

Oh my darling,
you were never mine for me to be left.

And I wonder why we do these things
As we sit in silence, the decaying affection mouldering
between us like a canyon.

As you look at me and I look to you
with no way of unseeing
The deficit held within beloved brown eyes

It’s too late now and the sadness has settled
and you have already left
Taking with you the colours from the light
As the ash from your last cigarette smoulders  
and goes out.

I refuse to be half of one whole
For I am enough always
To stay silent surrounded by seas
And as Ellan my will shall remain
Constant, contained and content
For it turns out that I need you not
And that I want you even less.