Sometimes silence is preferred
To those constant constricting string of compliments  
Written in your words and thrown off your tongue
With careless heed of the damage that they do
Irrevocable words of the lies of love and lust
Drip drip dripping down from your lips
To fall simultaneously in hearts and in the gutter
Where ******* collects and rains pour down
Eradicating all trace, but for the heart in which it kindled
No recognition from lips whose secret they once held
Now long forgotten and poorly remembered;
Lacklustre speech trailed and its meaning dismembered
Ill-gotten feelings poorly deceived when hopefully conceived  
From the deceptions which derided and descended
From lips once bloodied; now full of false testament.

Contamination seeps and weeps from pores and migrates from your skin to mine
I cannot see it but I feel it, sliding over me and sinking through layers
Through my skin and my nerves and my tissue down right to my bone
Where you pause; take a breath, look around;
Try on my internal machinery for size and speed and duration
Drag and rip and tear my insides for a sign and the very spark of life
Then, once located you break through, right down and into my marrow
And consume all it is there that makes me immune
Become a part of me in the parts that I was not even aware existed
A lovely parasite who feeds on my secrets and bathes in my blood
A darkness within which perfectly mirrors that already present
Both of me and alien, twisting the two so intertwined that no lines can be drawn
Until we are but intermingled and so all is lost in bones that have become yours
All that skin and those nerves and those tissues, lost unto me and gained by you
To be devoured through duplicities of dancing and deception  
A most beautiful way to die, to simply cease to exist to be
Devoured by a love so consuming and false that not a trace will remain
When you do not falter but dance on; playing out your parody of happiness
With all of those who once thought that they too knew the steps

But now what remains at last knows better
And as it burns it both regrets and adores you
It both loves and it hates you
Wanting but denying the need for a being so superfluously mendacious in their meaning
So extensionally versatile with their morals and reduced in magnitude by their ploys
Now the ash can rise above, constrained by no sentiments to bind nor naivety to hope
To fade into comforting insignificance as you compose a ******* of life with bitter strings
Tying irreversible knots in all others connected to your skin; secured by but the very finest of threads
On the edge and ready to leap; always with a larger hand in sight and the treachery to take it.

You compose my inadequacy,
this front which I present is not true
for I do not want to love you
and you do not want me to.

Love is false;
I trick myself into it every time.

It is strange how looking at an image of you
from so long since last looking into your eyes,

That I can still remember every breath caught
every moment of each second lived
in every silver touch standing in your eyes,
where it was like being seen for the first time,
until you saw too much and too deep and too fast

and then you blinked and I was gone.

Removed from your thoughts and from your life and from your love
which moved on to another, more worthy,
upon whom you can look longer, stand taller, gaze deeper
than I can ever hope to achieve to be.

May we be forgiven,
For pretending for so long
And pretending so poorly.

For never forgetting
(And always comparing)
To that which we had before.

Pray, may we be forgiven?
For I do not know how
To forgive and forget
The crimes of those who once scarred us
And the crimes that we ourselves commit

All in the aim of some previously lost game
Which broke us apart before we met,
And now never to be the same
Haunted by words better thought, not said.

When the grains of your sand
Moved
One by one
Slowly, at first,
Shifting under me
Like it was normal;
It meant nothing.

Until the avalanche came
And a million tiny grains
Grew in velocity
And violence
And suddenly, my very ground,
Had slipped; shifted,
To under the feet of another.

So here now I stand
On this bare; barren ground
Worn smooth by your leaving
Silent in your wake.

I pick up a rock
Hold it in bloodied hands,
And I use it
To forget;
To carve new ground to stand on
But this time I shall not need it,
It shall need me.

He moves over me
A darkened image; blurred
Edges not yet defined
For how to define
That which you do not understand?

Or perhaps comprehension
Is simply ignored
In favour of ignorance
And silence becomes the refrain
From the truth hidden on our tongues.

He rises above me
But I do not feel small
For I do not feel anything
And our kisses taste of guilt
And half spoken secrets
And I wonder, oh how I wonder
If he knows that they do.

And if he cares, like I wish to care
If he wonders
Of the troubles that we do not share
Separate lives, joined but temporarily
Yet not united, still apart
Drifting on a sea of sadness
Caught in the same tide
But not going the same way.