I will always be in love with you, Sweetheart. Always.

A part of me will save itself for you
While the other parts will distract themselves
From you.

But at the end of the day
I will always want you, love.
Always.

I am letting you go now
Slowly and surely
These feelings may fade for you
And you may fall for someone else

But at the end of the day,
I will always end up falling for you.
Always.

But most importantly
I will always remember you
In my mind, my heart and my soul.

You will always be a part of me.

Always.

I tore down my walls
I opened my doors
And made room for one more

I am surrounded by white
walls, they smell like
cleaning supplies.

An angel sits at a desk,
phones ring,
they sound like chaos.

I have been standing here
for two years.
I still have not approached
the angel.

For two years,
I swore she did not
exist.

Now I am ready
to tell her that
this cannot wait any longer
that I have finally died.

I am terrified at my
broken self.
My soul has been entering
and exiting by body for
days now.

I need to walk up to the
desk.
I need to save myself
from myself.

I knew there
was no god
all along.
And now,
I am gone.

I miss you
So much it contracts on me
Out of the sweet baby blue sky
Your name is pulled bitter as lemon

I miss you
My childhood sweet heart
I cry for you like a raven
What we once were was messed in parting

I miss you
My head is pounding throbbing
Rembering the years long love
Only to find out twas returned back

I miss you
Too late I fear
For we've both moved on melancholy
But the future together could have been so much better

I miss you
For that's the way the clocks chime
Cogs spinning further apart
Why didn't the paths stay the same

I miss you
It could have been insanely easy
Knitting together like ever before
But I've made a different choice

Forgetting that I miss you
And ever so want to kiss you
Quite lightly on the cheek

Banging banging banging
Against the head board
Thinking of good reasons to do things
Head growling humming whispering
Good enough but not good enough
Every which way spinning
Convulsing
Bright lights in the corner
But how to reach it
Turn it off
It's too big of a glimpse
Into what's in store
Just so infuriatingly close
Just so far

It's obvious, isn't it?
When two similar planets pass by
each other
and get caught in
each other's
gravity.
It's obvious what must happen here.
The words not said
scream loud enough to
bridge the hundreds of miles,
and we still don't
say them.
Not yet.
It's obvious we haven't been here before.
Into uncharted waters,
we move so
very
slowly,
careful not to create waves
before we meet in the center,
careful not to misstep,
so that we can
do things right
for once.
It's obvious.

I am an ocean
Powerful in waves
I crash into anything that stands in my way
I have no heart
And I have no soul
I have already sank an entire graveyard
Of ships that were once great feats

Don't worry,
For you have no fear
You're just the captain
On a ship I held dear

You will sink beneath my waves
For that's what I do
I am a possessive being
And I'm not ready to give up you

You will die
Here in my reefs
And allow my fish
To home in your grief

And that's were you'll be
Another lost century

That's what's happens when people look to close to me
They lean a little to forwarded
And crash into me

And my waves has no mercies
For those sailing to get through me

You hear about the sleepless nights
The crying, the suicidal thoughts.
The cloudy days when it's sunny
And the thunderstorms in the cool breeze

You hear about the support groups
The suicide hotlines, the public outcry.
#westandwith__, #alwayskeepfighing,
The sad poems and the sad playlists.

But you never hear about the reality

The way depression looms over your head,
Not as a cloud, but as a faceless mass
Of pure darkness, that paints a smile on your face
So people don't notice you're hurting

It's the feeling of complete and utter nothingness,
When you sit in class and stare at the teacher
But don't hear a thing he's saying because you're too sad, too upset to move or think.

It's the paranoia that you feel
When your friends leave you for a split second
That feels like minutes, then feels like hours.
It's the loneliness that sets in
While numbers and friends are within arm's reach.

It's the messy room, the scraps of chocolate wrappers on the floor.
The piles of laundry you haven't touched in weeks.
The homework you've been putting off because you were too ******* sad to do it
The pain on your lover's face when he realised he can't do anything
And the pain on yours when you hate seeing him in pain
And the cycle goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

...

It's the constant apologising.

The constant self-hatred.

The self-medication with good things and movies but nothing seems to work.





I just want to be okay.