my eyes are heavy

I can't tell you why but
I miss you

there's something wrong
here, your time has
long passed

but even now I think
of taking off your gown

I feel the lace in between
my fingers
my hands against still
impossibly smooth skin
legs that never touched
the ground, legs I hoped
would lead me to forever

your curls rolling down
your shoulders, dangling
between us, connecting
our faces, the fragrance
of beauty itself clasped
between every strand
cascading from your silhouette

tenderness raining
love willing
fear subsiding
you envelope me

in this near-dream state
with the morning sun
pouring in through the
window, my soul is
still wrapped up beyond
with that transcendence
a lovely mistress

I feel you closer than I
ever have before
even when you were
close literally so

what intense longing

what a strange morning
it's been already

give me some sort
of interaction
I find myself now
yearning for it so

I'm lonely it's no
secret, no surprise
and certainly no
blessing, no dream
nor nightmare
unleashed upon me

I can't tell you what
that could mean

I wouldn't know what
to do with you if I had
you, sympathetic lady

I don't know much of
anything anymore, I've
yearned so fully lately

I need some feeling to
distract my mind from
the things I've seen

there is necessity
in my yearning, the
warped clarity it brings

I need the touch of
a woman

I'm tired of the scratch
of any other girl

batted eyelashes, pretty
lashes on trusting backs
it's all anticlimactic

yet I'm still so confused
by women

enigmatic woe-
catalysts

flowers bloom
in their step
cradling art
in their wake

I wish I could lie
pacified with a soft
warmth at my side

till the weight, gently
lifted from my back
sets upon my eyes

ah, love

I grow so bored with
feeling lonely

I'm so exhausted
with never knowing

your arms wrapped around
his neck
i want your tender hands
at my throat

these things cause
gravity to befall me
while you, falling,
float and float

my stomach drops
differently today
not to be confused
with the way i drowned
sorrow these past days

that's a rumble all its
own, a problem I'll
address when the only
one that matters
right now is subdued

my stomach hurts
differently today
i don't feel spurned
i don't feel good
& i'm trying to learn
what it is exactly
you're teaching me

the experience does
nothing for me
but leave me empty
hollowed, vulnerable
what is it exactly
you're teaching me?

i know only of the way
that my stomach,
drowned in the sorrows of
past days, drops
a little
differently today
it hurts a little
differently today

"a girl can dream"
you said
it's obscene
how badly I yearn
for you to be
separate from a screen

you're miles away,
miles and miles,
but you keep me up at night

dearest, this is more of nightmare
than a dream, I apologize

I'm spewing drunken stupor

but God ******,
you're not any less prettier

& I don't wish any less
to collapse those miles
upon the embrace
of us two when allowed

unfortunately, though,
the distance remains constant

and that distance
is constantly reminding
how much happier I could be
if you were here next to me

who knows what I mean
who knows what's you feel
but I'm telling you now
this yearning is real

there will be a chill in the
morning when I wake

in honor of you,
out in your winter state

you are art at work
in a wild world

I wait and wait
to experience you for real

i'm all sorts of inebriated
but you need to know something

i think i love you
and it's funny

i know nothing of you,
you're far above me

but i think about those
words you write,
every day
and every night

how do you do it, dear?
how do you make such
beauty so?

i read my tears
and fears and all

there on the page
in front of me

& your signature
is signed at the bottom

i know nothing of you
but i love you

and i would tell you if
i could

but i have nothing but
this mediocre chorus

drenched in the harmonies
of my heart and mind

and it will forever pale,
always fall short

you are a poet
i am a fraud

yet regardless,
i know only the shadow
of your profile,

& the singular
heart that colors
in the black &
white lines

regardless,
i love you so
and you need to know

A dime on the floor is dirtier
than a penny on the table
Another race that's only run
By who is young and
Who is able, and
It's hard to differentiate
Who is *******
in a stable
As all our backs are sore
And our losing legs are shameful, but

Let it not discourage thee, thou, or
You
There's a faster racer running
Passing, beating without shoes
There is no flag attached
No podium or pew
Just some blood
Some wood and ash
Running through and through

There is a sun
And it rises
And further,
The world still spins

We run around it for
Gold and prizes
But our own strength
will never win
it.