I'm not sure
if I love you
If I ever did
If it was ever real

Because you see
our days were so short
so long ago
sweet

sweet yes
and when I lost you
I wanted you more
so much that

I dived into a world of
you
and only
you

and for years
years
years
years of my short life

I loved

or did I?
Did I love you?
or just the thought of you?
?

Despite what it means to admit
that there was real passion
and real want
for you

I want it to be true
because then my life
would be
bearable

Maybe even



pleasant

I tried always
looking for her
searching for her
for only a trace
of her presence
in my life.

The evanescence
of her existence
always fading,
vanishing
from my life.

Although
my paths
always
crossed hers
but I lost her,
she eluded my sight
blinding darkness, no light
like the words
that elude
my quill
when I brood
in a pensive mood
I'm unable to write.

And when in loneliness
deprived of thoughts
I lay mindless
to sleep alone
and slowly flown
into the visions,
hallucinations,
of my mind.

I try not to try trying
to look for her
but she
suddenly
appears in full light
with all of her might
like a hyper realistic sketch
embroidered, engrained and etched
on the curtains of my mind.

her image comes alive
from a memory
her face of ivory
her lips of soft cotton
that I had forgotten
long ago
and now
she keeps coming
back to me
in the swirling carousel of dreams
and plays a motion picture
as I try not to think.

As I try not to think
words keep coming
back to me
and this verse flows freely.