I just wanted that piece back,
Where we did nothing but everything.
I loved the way you shined,
Everything was against you and I stood by.
Staying in your corner,
Silent cheers amongst the negative backlash.
Until you hurt me again,
This one hurt worse.
Which is strange to think,
Our breakup should’ve hurt,
It wasn’t.
It was knowing I was officially done,
Knowing we’d never get that chance.
All the smiles and laughs echo in my room,
Just thought at the end of the day it’s me and you.

It’s the same thing.
Constant doubts, thinking the other lies, overthinking and assumptions.
The ingredients for a perfectly great breakup.
Again.
I don’t know how this is suppose to work.
Me hating myself, you being upset because of what I did, and
us never trusting.
Lots of work?
Oh yes, quiet a lot, but because love conquers all we’ll be okay.
Except we aren’t and we’ve argued

You are like a drug,
Consuming my well being.
Taking advantage the only way you know you can.
Yet here I sit wishing for things to be different,
To be someone else to you.
We cannot go back to how it was,
This is what acceptance is for me.
To live freely yet stably,
Without you on my side.

A soft glance so pure,
Full of adoration.
I question this look,
For it was lost and yet found once more.
In your orbs,
I see the turmoil you face,
Yet you seek comfort in my embrace.
Full of mystery you are,
And I find myself at peace.

•
I cannot turn back the clock,
Because I have finally ran out of luck.
Before everything,
Before the relationship,
Before Gabe died,
I should’ve been left as I was.
Nothing.
•

I do things with him I didn’t with you.
My communication is worth more than my screams.
You held me back and held you.
We thought it was love,
When in fact,
It ‘twas an idea.

Missing you is like a disease,
Sickened at the thought of you gone.
I am weak to you,
No one compares to you.

My happiness is decided on those around,
The ones I choose to stay in my life.
Containing all of my being,
Crazed thoughts run through,
It gets hard to breath.
And relaxed.

Longing for a home.
Trapped in desire.
Is this what I wished?

I hate being wrong.
I hate being right.

He said,
“Take my hand, give your worries to me and finish your process.”

I said,
“No.”

One day your in love,
The next you’re trying to be okay,
Sometimes you have your bestfriend,
Other times you’re looking for them.
Reluctantly we all make our choices,
Our free will navigating our lives,
Thoughts processed for what will not ever be.
Guilt colliding with memories,
Losing what was had.
Forever in pain.

I don’t NOT love you,
I just choose to separate myself from,
Who you are becoming with me.

Goodbyes are always hard,
The remorse of not doing more,
The guilt of your fault,
The anger of betrayal,
And the sadness of all the memories.
Yet we still do nothing,
Till the next death comes around.

I was burned to ash only to rise.
Thoughts of the wise,
Love of the highs,
And lost of all of the goodbyes.  

You broke me down.
Not knowing you made the final blow.  
Leaving me on the floor.
Cold and alone.

I’ve cried until it was nothing,
Because I knew you were only bluffing.
My anger rises and I am hungry.
Fueled by angst and negativity.

No longer will I play nice,
After all it was you who turned me towards the next vice.
I know I’ll be fetched for a hefty price.

Be a better person you were than you were the day before.

He holds me in a way I am safe,
The warmth of his touch comforting.
A safe space is what he is,
All of my worries and doubts,
Gone.
Every emotion and thought
Carefully calibrated in mind to helping me.
You are an abundance of everything
Yet nothing.
Maybe that is what attracted me to
Only you.

Tragic
Suspenseful
Lost

I’ve given my everything to you.
I’ve spoke to you of what is needed.
Everyone was right about us,
We never should’ve tried again.

Falling in love,
In two words?
It hurts.

It’s weird,
The people we all talk to,
Eventually all become the strangers we never wanted.

I am the problem,
It’s unfathomable.
The truth makes it’s way,
Just for it all to go down the drain.
It is for the lack of affection I give,
To mislead through the grief.
For I am the problem,
And you all,
Were perfect.

So many things I want,
Being happy,
Being happy with someone I love.
Also,
Being happy with me.
I know what must be done,
Although I am not quiet ready for it,
I have to.
Anxiety ridden and masking,
I wish to be free,
But that all has to start with me.

Stability.
Honesty.
Unconditional love.

Three simple things needed to survive this new found world.
An urgency everyone wants.
A partner.

Agreeing to disagree.
Knowing when enough is enough.
No escalation.
Peace and safety.

Alas these simple things aren’t so simple.
We tend to think selfishly rather than together.
How could you communicate if neither is listening.

Simply put.
You don’t.

We rise and we fall.
Learning to crawl
As we continue to make our call.
I sit and write to you,
So you know my words are true.

That Breath of air when swimming under the water too long,
That’s what life was.
Suffocating,
Undesirable,
A vast liquid of nothing.
That is till the burning in my lungs form,
Seizing at every attempt to breathe,
Struggling to find which way is up.
The frantic grasps of liquid,
Thighs and legs kicking rapidly,
As if all was lost the fresh breeze hits my hand.
I’ve made it,
All throughout the doubts,
Every tribulation has come to this.
Air.

No matter where I go,
Where the winds of change flow.
That’s where I’ll be waiting,
For you and you alone.

It’s simple,
Easy.
Like taking off a bandaid,
Yeah right.

Another game.
Nothing holding anyone back.
All past events forgotten.
Everyone was fine.
Too bad those are just dreams.

Reluctantly stubborn,
You come like a hurricane,
One small opening of purity and serenity.
We will never be compatible,
No longer will I be your friend,
So I sit in your shadows watching you grow.
One day you’ll see what I see,
Believe what I know,
We all see it.
You’ll perceive it how you will,
There isn't angst towards you,
Never will it ever be.

I’m grateful,
I’m secure,
I’m safe.
I’m finally seen,
I’m finally heard,
I’m finally loved.
Creating this new life with him,
Making myself into what I was wanting,
Becoming MYSELF once more.
I don’t have to hide,
I don’t have to lie,
I can be me.

You were my Hercules.
You gave me my soul again,
Yet reconfigured.
My love for you was/is everlasting.
You were the gasoline I wanted,
Needed,
Dousing my fire with what we called love.
I miss you some days,
I crave you most days.
Yet everyday I wish I never met you.

•
Gentle circles are made on your back,
A light snore makes it’s way to your lips.
Lips I’ve touched thrice over,
Lips that’ve consumed my being.
Everlasting.
•

At the end of the day,
You never really get what you want.

I think of you from time to time.
It’s ineluctable.
It’s a shame.

I do not look at your art for remembrance,
I look at your art for your sanity.
One I couldn’t return to you,
As you couldn’t do to I.
Hoping you continue to be happy in life,
As I am doing in mine.
With the people who came through so suddenly,
Unexpected coincidences.
Your art tells your thoughts,
The lies you’ve been told,
The love thought shared between,
Lies you’ve made up,
Closure in Ones and Zeros.
I hope you continue on,
Stand the ground you walk on,
Complete the life you were meant to lead.

Three people.
You him and I.
We met up in Cruces,
It was grand.
We all got a long,
Shots are fired and there you are on the floor.
There is a pool of red and i,
I am kneeling to you and crying.
He pulls me off and we leave you.
I awaken and tears are down my cheeks,
One thought comes to mind.
“Please be okay.”

It’s what we all want.
A desire for one soul.
A peace finally found.
Comfort in his arms,
My ear pressed against his chest.
The rhythmic beating of one’s heart.
Love and harmony.
Perfect balance,
Even when days are long.
-Mrs. Ramirez-Nuñez
At last.

We were just talking,
I raised my voice slightly.
I heard screams,
I made you quiet out of concern.
We both hear it now,
All hell broke loose.
The fighting, the dogs, the police.
We were never meant to be,
Because all along it was the girl who helped save me too..

We talk.
We pick on each other.
You make me smile.
I see your smile.

Everything flows well enough,
For the moment.
Your reassurance gives me hope,
My heart weakens by your grace.

I hope that it will be you,
That I can be with you.
After all the awful things,
My soul still belongs to you.

After all is said and done,
I still love you.

To think I almost ******* believed it.
Of course I’m the joke.
I hurt you so ******* bad and I’m the one making lies.

Funny how you can’t do no wrong yet when I bring it up,
Tell you how you’re acting,
We can just brush it off.

Last I checked none of your so-called friends gave a **** about you almost killing yourself the three times you almost did.

I was made the joke to care for you.
Worry about you.
It was *******.
So thanks for making me home

“But I do know one thing though
*******, they come, they go
Saturday through Sunday, Monday
Monday through Sunday, yo
Maybe I'll love you one day
Maybe we'll someday grow
'Til then just sit your drunk *** on that ******' runway, **.
But I can’t be your Superman.”

It’s like breathing,
Only I don’t know how I’m breathing.
Everything seems dull,
Uninteresting,
Bleak.
I hate knowing you make me feel like this,
All because of lies, miscommunications,
And connections.
An unspeakable phenomenon that occurs to the few,
Yet everything can’t be as is and I destroy.
Losing everything to be constantly reminded,
Too many denominators to discuss one thing.
What I wanted,
What I was happy for,
But this is life.

I stand alone in my mind. A spotlight shines down on me.
Portraying what I am really doing.
Staying.
Lost.

I have no thoughts just an endless echo of silence.
Fueled by hate, pain and sorrow.
Which to feel first?
It’s not like I smile anymore.

My smile was beautiful, it was simple.
Though it was so sincere, content and pure.
If only I could smile like that,
Would I be able to get out?  

The world keeps moving forward.
Just like the seasons, pushing towards winter, everyone around is moving.
I’m stuck. I can’t move my legs.
In cement locked in place with no one around to rescue me.