You painted
a sunset in the back of my
throat, so that every time
we kissed, you could taste
something beautiful that
wasn't me.

I sit within these walls,
Darkness swallowing us whole
The night invading the room
Making this world feel microscopic

Moonlight trickles in through the curtains
The ceiling fan spinning on high
And memories are flooding my brain
Fleeting moments I can't deny existed

A pain breaking it's way back into my mind
A sadness that brings me down sinking me under
The unfortunate second that I become aware
Of every broken piece of you and me

Left inside of this outer shell of a human body
Yet the only thing I know is....
This is a night for poetry

Would you know fear if you swallowed it?
It's like eating off death in bits, only you're alive but you feel it;
It's the bellows of craving that want to screech through your throat
And as you ache, you accept- what you don't want but you've come to need.

An intrusion, a love crime, a you.

Would you know poison as you breathed it?
It's like inspiring a monoxide, only it chokes but you like it.
It's the hunger for catharsis that only comes with pain,
As you embrace that this can destroy you- and you need it to.

Because I do.
It's the only way I feel about you.

Those days where cutting off your nose to spite your face
is preferable to the fake smile?
The inane chat?
The constant hum of banality?
The pretence that all in the garden is rosy?
The surrounding of people you would cheerfully ****?

Where the slightest word sends you spiralling?
Where even "friends" drive you screaming for the hills?
Where silence is all you want, need, crave?
Where were it possible you'd scream not talk?
Where you'd get your bucket of regrets, and throw them to the wind?
Today is that day for me.

today at 10:55 a.m. a man died.
today at 11:00 a.m. I ate lunch
today at 10:10 a man was hungry for air.
today at 11:10 I was hungry for lunch
at 10: 30 a.m. a man was given morphine
at 11:30 a.m. i was given a prayer
at 10:50 a.m. a wife was cursing god
at 11:50 a.m. I was feeding someone who was dying in front of me slowly
at 11:00 am. a wife was dying inside alone
at 11:04 p.m. I was drunk
at 11:05 p.m. I was alone
at 11:05 p.m. I was

When I look at you, I see a wall:
A wary way of walking through the world,
hands pushed deep into your pockets,
keeping them safe from other hands.
Your laughter comes only controlled,
even smiles sometimes shielded
during our careful conversation
that’s calculated before it clears the air,
sentences screened for slips of the tongue,
holding back secrets that sit in your silences
when I ask the questions you can’t answer.

Whoever took that hammer to your heart
has this hard shell to answer for,
this barrier built on top of broken trust,
a mountain I am not strong enough to move
so instead I choose to love you from the outside in,
drumming on the door of this fortress you made
when someone made a fool of you.
May this love make such music that one day
you find yourself holding my hands
as we dance to it, laughing, talking, smiling, free.

fickle beings
cold hearts
Sleepless nights
passing cars

Purple bruises
Pale faces
White lies
empty spaces.

Sleepless nights
when I've
laid in
the thick darkness
listening to the
sirens scream
throughout
the city.

Drawn out sleepless
nights ,
nights that I spent
conjuring up
images of better
times.

Sleep deprived
lonely nights,
nights  I spent
counting
someone else's
legless sheep.

Nights I spent
wasting hours
by thinking of
nothing but
the past.

I remember how you
pushed me against the wall
and in a way I would never fall
pressed your body onto mine
Your arms gripped tight like a vine
You closed your eyes
To mask your want in disguise
Then hasted to kiss me
My lips parted as to agree
Your pin so firm,so strong
There was no way I could've escaped even if it felt wrong
But honestly I just wanted that too
My heart beat as if wild animals were at the zoo
It was weird yet right
Unknown and light
Perfect and flawed
Bound to make us awed
Now I hate how it ended
Its not like I wanted
Now I have to bear this feeling
Of something missing
To avoid the temptation
Of your lips filled with flirtation
So cold yet soft
Bow shaped and liked most

I hate how I close my eyes and think of you and what happened
My heart saddened
Knowing I shouldn't and I couldn't do it anymore
Hanging by those word to which you swore.