I woke up one day
To see your face on my screen

It took a few moments
But the more I looked,
The stranger I felt.

I realized that I was no longer plagued by emotions
I was over you
But more than that
I realized I’ve been able to move on for a while, now.

When I saw your face
I noticed I didn’t know you anymore,
You became a stranger,
No longer the one who made me laugh,
Who made my day.

I woke up one day
To see your face on my screen
And now I’m ready to move forward
With my life, a life without you

The days go by
My face stretched out in a smile
Cheeks hurting from the effort.

Sitting next to people
Talking about life’s daily struggles
Just another show.

Laughing as jokes are told
Saying hello as aquaintances pass
Trying to make it through the day.

The days go by
The same struggle of pretending to be okay
When it’s empty inside.

The greatest joy is when my dog kisses my face
Pushing through the pain of unreturned messages
Calling back memories of similar days from years ago.

When your best friend would rather talk to your mom
And another friend just hangs up ‘cause she doesn’t want to talk anymore
Or a friend who never responds even though he texted first.

It’s getting easier and easier to retreat into a fantasy world
Why should I try when the results are always the same
No matter what I change, it’s always the same.

I cling to the hope of a future
One where there are people who truly care
Where people truly believe in me.

It seems so far away
Almost unachievable
But I cling to that dream obsessively,

The chant repeats in my mind, day after day,
One day will come,
One day you will be free!

What if I told you I was never wanted?
What would you say?
You'd say "of course I was,
We all love you"

But that's not what I asked.
Being wanted and being loved;
You'd think they'd go hand-in-hand,
But a vast abyss, an eternal ocean separates them.
You can be loved and unwanted
Or wanted but unloved.

What if I told you I never felt wanted?
Maybe I wanted to feel more loved, too;
But that would never happen.

What if I told you the boys never wanted me?
They never wanted to play;
They sent me away.
I was too girly,
Never tough enough,
I played by the rules,
I was too fragile,
Never strong enough;
I was too weak.

What if I told you the girls never wanted me?
They never wanted to play;
They sent me away.
I was too tomboyish,
Never dressed the right way,
I liked sports more than fashion,
I acted more like the boys,
Never wanted to shop or gossip;
I was too tough.

What if I told you the older kids never wanted me?
They never wanted to play;
They sent me away.
I was too childish,
Never mature enough,
I talked to much,
I was too excitable,
Never acting the right way;
I was too young.

What if I told you the adults never wanted me?
They never wanted to play;
They sent me away.
I was too innocent,
Never doing as I was told,
I butted in when I wasn't wanted,
I was too demanding,
Never acted my age;
I was too naive.

What if I told you that you were wrong all along?
You never wanted to play;
You sent me away.
I was too good,
Never breaking the rules,
I tried to do what was expected of me,
I didn't need reprimanding,
Never knowing what was wrong with me;
I was too quiet.

What if I told you I never felt wanted?
Would you still say I was loved?
I wanted more but never knew of what.
I was too different from the rest,
Never acted my age,
I tried to be more;
More mature,
More understanding,
More...
Just more.

What if I told you I never felt wanted?
I tried to fit in,
To be like the others,
The ones I called friends.
But try as I might,
I wasn't invited out,
I found out about the parties days later,
I was the afterthought when everyone else was busy.

How could I feel wanted?
My friends,
My brother,
My cousins,
They never wanted to play;
They sent me away.
Always alone,
Always left behind,
Never feeling wanted.