Delaney

Delaney Mar 2017

The Line

i walk the line.
i walk the line of death
and living
and i do not know
which way to lean.

i tell lies through my teeth--
i teeter on the edge of oblivion.
the unknown beckons amidst
the anguish festering within.

nightfall claws at memories;
darkness engulfs as thoughts
surface, race, remind-
and i wonder how easy
a step to the left, down into
death, might be.

(d.d.b)

this feels unfinished but whatever

#suicide #depression #thoughts #suicidal

Delaney Feb 2017

tired

I'm so tired of crying in bathroom stalls and wiping the tears furiously away and never ever being liked and never ever being good enough and always getting laughed at and always failing and I'm so tired of being tired

d.d.b

#tired #angry #upset

Delaney Feb 2017

The Boys

and it is never so apparent
as when
they pick a him, over me.
Worry about a boy, over me;
never me,
never me.

What are you doing
to him, they scream.
worry about his life
before your own.
who cares, who cares?
you surely don't, no,
you put yourself first
and that is not okay, young lady,
not okay,
never okay.

the hearts of boys matter
far more than the fragile mess
filling your chest cavity, yes,
it matters not what they did,
what they do,
how you feel,
them. Them, only,
only for them does it matter.

plaster on a smile,
false positive, love more, care more.
your fault. you made
this happen
to you.
never their fault, no,
never theirs,
for your actions are the problem, see,
young lady, you must compromise;
for the boys,
the boys who matter
much more, forever,
than you.

(d.d.b)

This might only ever make sense to me, and I might never share the backstories of this....but, here.

#anger #pain #hurt #boys

Delaney Jul 2016

Small Town

I'd rather walk
a city street;
where, at least,
the people passing do not
know my name,
much more than
I would enjoy
walking into
my local grocery store:
where I am
too visible.

#i #town #know #small #city #dont #visible

Delaney Jun 2016

still

the screams
still caught in my throat
from that day;
want to let them out,
to cry,
be louder.

what if
I'd been louder?
could it have saved
my soul from
being torn
that day?

can still hear it,
your breathing;
can still feel it,
you pushing
me down.

can still remember;
oh, how I remember.

(d.d.b)

#help #ptsd #****

Delaney Jun 2016

Too Close

Cannot breathe,
around you.
Cannot speak,
around you.
Cannot bear to be,
around you.

You.
You, who tore my soul
in such a detrimental way.
you, who violated the frail
body underneath you.

Let me live, I beg,
let me breathe.
Go away, for god sakes,
please go away.

(d.d.b)

#ptsd #****

Delaney Mar 2016

Let It End

and if I am allowed
might I say
it's becoming too much.
Every aching day,
I search for reasons to keep going
but my dear, you cannot see
the despair engulfing my soul.

It hurts.
Dear god, it hurts.

No thought not turned over;
no mistake not reprimanded a hundred
thousand godforsaken times.

It is all simply too much.

(d.d.b)

#overwhelmed