I don’t want to be a slave for love.

I don’t want to remember someone whenever I go to a place, or see a thing or smell something familiar.

I don’t want to feel something whenever I hear a familiar song.

I don’t want to cry over some memories I had with someone just because I know that it’ll never happen again.

I don’t want to miss anyone anymore.

I don’t want to fight for anyone. I don’t want to live for anyone. I don’t want to spend my whole life believing that love will make me happy and I don’t want to spend my whole life trying to get the love I think I deserve.

I don’t want to feel something so unbearable that I’d do anything to follow it, like when I miss your skin against my skin as we cuddle every night while watching our favorite movie and it’s driving me mad because all I feel is this coldness around me and I need to breathe in your scent again but I can’t do anything except to let the tears fall on my cheeks while staring at the sheets of my bed where we once had our best moments together.

I don’t want to be tied down by love anymore. I don’t want to be attached and dependent. I don’t want to be weak like this anymore.

I don’t want to feel or even do these things anymore. For once, I want to be free. I want to be free from the hurt that love caused me. Free from the chain of thorns that love had wrapped around me.

Love, you, see, is cruel. It will ****** you at first, will make you see beautiful things. It will give you hope that maybe, just maybe, you’ll finally be happy. It will make you feel the warm that you have missed after years of living coldly and alone. It will make you curious, it will make you wonder ‘what if’. It will make you feel beautiful things. It will lure you to invite it in you and then, it will make you its slave once you let it.

It will eat you from the inside. It will control you. It will pain you. You can’t do anything but to follow it. It will only make you suffer. Do what it wants or you’ll feel unbearable things to the point where you want to rip your heart out just to make it stop…but you can’t. So you’ll just lie down on the cold tiles of your bathroom floor, hugging yourself while water spills from the faucet and tears streams down from your eyes, and you, internally screaming while love breaks your heart into pieces.

It will make you vulnerable. It will make you live in danger and with constant fear on your mind. It will only cause you nothing but chaos that will leave a hole on your chest that you won’t know how to fill once it’s done driving you mad.

Then, it will leave you destroyed.
And you won’t be the same anymore.

You text me,
Wishing me happy birthday,
Asking me how I’ve been,
And all kinds of other cloying ****.
And when I see you,
You smile and talk sweetly,
Your words like saccharine,
Artificial and with a bitter aftertaste.
As if nothing ever happened,
Or as if you don’t remember.
I smile sweetly back,
A sugary glaze that I paint my lips with,
But I’m murdering you inside,
Your blood and tears like sticky candy canes,
Because honey, I remember
Everything.

We're born with hopeful wonder
We're born with tempestuous emotion
We try not to get pulled under
But get swept up in devotion

We get older and chip away
Rust in the sinking water
Trying to hold onto Maye
Always unwillingly slaughter

We mutate to an object inhumane
Excuse it with "It's in our DNA"
Seems like we're all on *******
Have brain damage more every day

We **** each other left and right
Trying to cope and manage
Wrecked brain and no sight
We create collateral damage

So don't say "I'm only human"
Blaming everything except yourself
I think it's time you tune in
And take the book off the shelf

Your eyes are covered by your own hands
What is it you fear?
It's pathetic and sad
You can't see you are your own puppeteer

When the world looks dark,

Sometimes all you have to do

Is open your eyes.

I guess I won that stupid fight of "I love you more."

Depression isn't when you know
That everything around you
Is going wrong
and you feel sad,
Depression is when you know
That everything around you
Is going right
And you still feel you sad.

This is nothing but another depressed soul

Typing away all that I know

See I've been months clean

But there is things unseen

A smile that is fake

A laugh they can't take

Beneath it all something I couldn't take