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and i know you weren't right for me.
i take the time to memorize every scar
on someone else's body.
i look to see what makes their eyes light up
and what completely drives them mad.
i had every scar on your body memorized
and you barely even glanced at me.
you had me around, but for all the wrong
reasons.
what you neglected to realize was that i was a hurricane in the midst of the sunshower that was your life.
maybe you should've payed more attention when you had the chance.
i spend most nights at home falling in love with the idea of you
"time has already past, john"

                                                  "we can fix this.  please...we can-"

"i...i can't do this anymore"

                                                  "please... i'm sorry and i-"

"just stop. please."

                                                  "..."

"john...our love..what used to be our love is gone"

"we can't go back anymore"

"goodbye"
keep

telling

me
how much you adore me
"you may not notice, but I’m totally in love with you."
a I
he kissed
her like her lips
were air
and he couldn't

*breathe
"take your time but please tell me the secret on how to be better. I am the night sky and a dimly lit room all in the same sentence and I don’t really know where to put the period. some days I am better and I’m here with this abundance of love in my heart and the other days I am all alone and no way to cope with the sadness. give me the grass stained jeans and give me the love I used to feel but not while in the arms of others. I’m not alone but sometimes I am. let me learn how to cope with the bad days and let me learn how to find comfort in my own arms and my own bed and then I swear I can give them the best parts of me after that. let me learn how to feel innocent and lovely again. let me learn how to heal again. let me learn."
you can smile as long as we're together
were i to eat the sun
and let its pulp trickle down my throat—
would i glow through the skin
like gods do
in their upstairs rooms?
would they pull a chair for me?
would they look me in the face
or through it?

what is it,
to have no one above
but still feel pressed from the top down?
the halls breathe.
the windows widen.
my mind reached the edge of space
and left static in the vents.
it drips from the ceiling
in the shape of warnings.

i drift through the folds
of my boxmind—
no doors, no exits,
just pill bottles echoing in reverse.
the corners hum in borrowed voices.
my tongue collapses
like paper soaked in antiseptic.

it’s always like this
when the antipsychotics dissolve
before i do:

time frays,
gravity peels,
and i wake up
inside-out.
ever so cryptic!
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