and i know you weren't right for me.
i take the time to memorize every scar
on someone else's body.
i look to see what makes their eyes light up
and what completely drives them mad.
i had every scar on your body memorized
and you barely even glanced at me.
you had me around, but for all the wrong
reasons.
what you neglected to realize was that i was a hurricane in the midst of the sunshower that was your life.
maybe you should've payed more attention when you had the chance.

i spend most nights at home falling in love with the idea of you

"time has already past, john"

                                                  "we can fix this.  please...we can-"

"i...i can't do this anymore"

                                                  "please... i'm sorry and i-"

"just stop. please."

                                                  "..."

"john...our love..what used to be our love is gone"

"we can't go back anymore"

"goodbye"

keep

telling

me

he kissed
her like her lips
were air
and he couldn't

*breathe

"take your time but please tell me the secret on how to be better. I am the night sky and a dimly lit room all in the same sentence and I don’t really know where to put the period. some days I am better and I’m here with this abundance of love in my heart and the other days I am all alone and no way to cope with the sadness. give me the grass stained jeans and give me the love I used to feel but not while in the arms of others. I’m not alone but sometimes I am. let me learn how to cope with the bad days and let me learn how to find comfort in my own arms and my own bed and then I swear I can give them the best parts of me after that. let me learn how to feel innocent and lovely again. let me learn how to heal again. let me learn."

you can smile as long as we're together

were i to eat the sun and become
like gods in high and low spaces
would i enter a new room and dine
with others like me
or with others above me?

what it was to have no one above
with the truest of spaces in halls and windows
my mind reaching the edge of space
losing it ever since

i, in an emptiness that exists.
linger on corners in my boxmind,
it is always the same when the
antipsychotics wear off—
good good goodnight