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***
when old music
hurts too much
and new one
still hasn't taken hold

when my house
becomes too small
to dance in

when I have
so much to wish for
and too little awake-time
to breathe

then
I would like
nothing better
than to feel
your smile
and the steel of your gaze
on my downcast eyes

and then
and then
you would take me
for a twirl
around the park gazebo
in broad daylight
and we would make
the pigeons fly
She's here gathering more of her things.
Keeps asking if I want this and that, and I'm sick
With the flu under a blanket on the sofa

Watching my muse quit, from
Deep inside my sweater hood.
Droplets of fever on my forehead,
And she can't keep from touching my face
Every time she walks by.
I turn my mouth against her palm and
Close my eyes. Knees buckle. She
Whimpers.

Something dying that
Tries to not
Want to
Live.
To Be Human:

My flesh means nothing
However my spirit is intact

It takes strong will to keep things together
In the morning we recollect outcomes and push forward
At night we rest on needle beds and wrap ourselves with razor sheets
Believe it or not it is all balanced
Breakdowns can gulp you whole
Mental order is necessary to remain sane

My flesh means nothing
However my spirit is intact
You
To see you for you

The pretty face

Sculpted by fairies in a timid place

We equipped make up

But oh oh oh naturalĀ 

The hormones of a different women

Hot cooking

Where I'm looking

Kisses to you

The taste if that blue moon

Moon moon moon

How quaint very soon soon soon

I've donned to be inspired

Motivated by smiles

Determined all the while

Few few few

Look and taste and feel

Like you you you
Only you just you for you
****...how long will I have to fight? It's like I go threw it every night.
I keep telling myself it'll be alright.. but IĀ have lied once again tonight.
I keep telling myself to stay strong, While I'm listening to the same song. But everything I do seems wrong, Feeling like I don't even belong.
~ Lileeuhh
Heartache.
It's more than an evening or weekend
Of ice cream and fine chocolate,
When listening to love songs,
Or watching rom coms on the couch
In jammies--


It's in all those nights of crying
While clutching at your pillow,
Begging for some semblance of solace.

It's in waking walking wandering wondering.
While looking down at your chest,
In every other even odd moment of consciousness
To check if the hole in your heart
Is finally visible from the outside.

It's that deep breath inhaled;
To counter the effects of the memories he gave,
That enables you to breathe again,
And the rapid blinking that keeps your eyes dry--
For just a little longer...

It's in re-building that wall.
Remember the wall? The one you tore down
To let him in?

Only, it's a shade darker than the last time.

Heartache is that deep, bottomless
Feeling of drowning
In misery and rejection
From the one person
You singled out from the crowd.
It's that overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia;
Which tells you,
'If you're not with him,
You'll go celibate!'


It's that ghost of a kiss,
That threatens to be the death of you;
It haunts your lips in your pale reality.
It's that hollow heart
That longs for his warmth, his arms
Those dreams of his beating heart next to yours;
Helping you regenerate
Only to be broken with sunrise, in emptiness.
When those unforgiving rays heat up everything,
But you're still freezing...

It's that poisoned apple you ate;
It runs in your veins.
Refusing to be digested,
Causing that overbearing chronic ache
That makes you want to scream out
In pure agony--
Making you wish,
*'If only he stayed!'
ROSE of all Roses, Rose of all the World!
The tall thought-woven sails, that flap unfurled
Above the tide of hours, trouble the air,
And God's bell buoyed to be the water's care;
While hushed from fear, or loud with hope, a band
With blown, spray-dabbled hair gather at hand,
Turn if you may from battles never done,
I call, as they go by me one by one,
Danger no refuge holds, and war no peace,
For him who hears love sing and never cease,
Beside her clean-swept hearth, her quiet shade:
But gather all for whom no love hath made
A woven silence, or but came to cast
A song into the air, and singing passed
To smile on the pale dawn; and gather you
Who have sougft more than is in rain or dew,
Or in the sun and moon, or on the earth,
Or sighs amid the wandering, starry mirth,
Or comes in laughter from the sea's sad lips,
And wage God's battles in the long grey ships.
The sad, the lonely, the insatiable,
To these Old Night shall all her mystery tell;
God's bell has claimed them by the little cry
Of their sad hearts, that may not live nor die.
Rose of all Roses, Rose of all the World!
You, too, have come where the dim tides are hurled
Upon the wharves of sorrow, and heard ring
The bell that calls us on; the sweet far thing.
Beauty grown sad with its eternity
Made you of us, and of the dim grey sea.
Our long ships loose thought-woven sails and wait,
For God has bid them share an equal fate;
And when at last, defeated in His wars,
They have gone down under the same white stars,
We shall no longer hear the little cry
Of our sad hearts, that may not live nor die.
have i seen her since?
i haven't
although i see her everywhere i turn
everywhere i go
and in everything i do

yes i miss her and it hurts like hell
but i have to let my body feel this
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