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She knew that she was broken
From the second that she could breathe.
She always tried to be hopeful,
But realized she was just niave.
She began to feel the world,
For what it really was.
And it  pinned her down upon the ground
And killed her hopeful buzz.
She had things inside her,
That no one else could see.
A secret truth to who she was
And who she wanted to be.
It pushed out all her insides,
And raced a virus through her blood.
She didn't want to live anymore
In a world void of her love.
She didn't want them to find her,
In the bath tub down the hall.
But she cried for help so many times
With no answer through the walls.
She put on her best dress,
And lipstick for good measure.
She wrote notes to all she loved
And assigned them each a treasure.
She didn't want to be known as the girl,
That many never knew.
Because she felt in the short times she was here
She had only touched a few.
She envisioned a world of light,
But didn't have her own to give.
And she didn't want to be another blurred face
Who didn't want to live.
So she grabbed a brand new razor,
And laid down in her bed.
She said a silent prayer to the angels in her head.
She let her secrets spill
Down her fingers to the floor.
She was terrified and guilty
At who would find her through the door.
Her spirit finally lifted,
And she smiled from above.
Because she was finally light,
And she was finally love.
Some people were angry,
That she left them all alone.
But she made them understand
That she had never gone.
She looked down from the skies
And watched them with a smile.
Sometimes she'd turn into wind
To be near them for awhile.
She hoped they knew she'd loved them
and that they weren't to blame.
She just thought she could do more good
If she was only a remembered name.
Before she took her own life,
from the sadness and the hurt.
She wrote down a note
And made sure they'd see it first.
It read:
I am sorry little brother.
I am sorry mom and dad.
I am sorry to my best friends,
And my little sister who was the best friend I've ever had.
Its not that I don't love you
Because I promise that I do.
I just feel too much pain
And this is what I want to do,
Don't think of me as dying,
Think of me as finally being free.
Because it is no secret
That you never needed me.
I hope you all find love,
And spend your life growing inside.
And most of all I pray,
That you all are filled with light.

So that is her story
And the last one she'd ever tell.
But her soul was finally happy.
And her spirit..
It was well.
I want you to know that sometimes I become so scared of the future, tendrils of birds burst from my rib cage.
I can feel the cuts on my palms from trying to push back time.
Memories claw out of my fore arms and drip down my finger tips.
I can feel the venom of broken promises course theough my veins.
And I am terrified.
I have witnessed the aftermath of a hurricane.
And the first handful of dirt thrown into the grave.
I can't be your silver lining anymore.
I can't be your saving grace.
I can't even be your still day.
But I can be your shadow.
The wind.
Maybe even a stain on your soul.
I want you to know that I could see stardust when you were with me.
And hear angels when you smiled.
That it may have taken awhile,
But I realized what god was everytime you laughed.
I want you to know that you were the best part of me.
And that if I tried to hold in my hands, all the seconds that I thanked God for your existence, it would spill out of my hands like grains of sand and dry up all the oceans.
I will miss the gold flecks in your eyes.
I will miss the skip in your step.
I Will miss your compassion.
It may hurt, but i want you to fly.
Fly, and never look back.
Not even for me.
Today I am so high,
I swear I can touch the sky,
So close to Heaven,
I want to die.
So close to God,
I see the light.
there are stars in the sky
and i can choose tell you about them
or i can choose to tell them all about you
I have a friend,
She jumps hurdles.
For me,
She seems quiet,
In her zone,
Eyes focused on what's ahead,
I stand at one end of the stadium,
pretending to read a book,
But with eyes behind dark glasses,
I enjoy watching her in a different realm.
She runs up and down the field,
And stops to chat with different people,
Which I find encouraging,
Because she seems to not care who those people are,
Or that they have a past,
That may be filled with secrets as dark as my t shirt.
When its her turn to run,
She stands at the blocks,
The man says "ready"
But she treats it as if its a question
Because she goes down on one knee
And flips her hair over her left shoulder,
Pulls each leg of her spandex down,
As if it'll make them grow in length,
Which I find amusing.
The man with the gun says "set"
And she rises in the air before it goes off
And as it does,
She explodes outward like ocean mist
Hitting black cliffsides
And I wonder how she seems to bring her own sunset
Becasue as she runs,
The colors never leave her face
Even when she crosses the finish line.
The other runners must see it too,
Becasue they seem to slow their step
To watch her set out in front of them
Which I think is funny,
Because they don't even get to watch the clouds break
When she smiles after ******* In a few gusts of wind.
I like to watch all people do the things they love,
But maybe it means more when you're watching someone
you truly wish to be happy
No matter the cost of yourself.
I was Sitting underneath a tree
That was raining pieces of bark down around me
Maybe to try an make the scene more poetic
As if it could change itself into water.
I was deep in thought,
Which annoys me sometimes
Cause I think too much,
But anyways,
I was thinking about how the hurdler
Doesn't just run races
On harmless school fields,
Jumping tiny tables laid out for her.
She also jumps hurdles in her own life,
Which are usually much bigger,
and scarier.
But just like the start,
She seems to crouch down at the sight of the people and their guns,
And springs forward,
Pushing against the ground, not running away,
But conquering everything before her.
And when she gets done with her race,
I can't help but swell with pride,
Because even her running,
seems to create poems of her life.
She handles each hurdle with such grace,
And respect,
a sort of beauty.
My eyes seem to always smile,
When I stand where I always am,
At the finish.
Waiting.
I stand at the end and not the start
Because just like in life,
I can't wait to see her conquer each hurdle
And meet me at the finish line
where ill always be,
With a smile,
Waiting for the hurdler.
Waiting,
For her to win.
 Apr 2014 Damaged
xxxx
I wish I had someone
Someone who I could wake up next to
Someone who would send cute messages to me
Someone to cuddle with
Someone to love

I wish I had someone
Someone who would wipe away the tears
streaming down my face
Someone who would love me
despite all my flaws
Someone who would accept me
for who I am
Someone who would make me
*happy
Not very poetic but I felt sad and alone and I needed to write. I fear being alone for the rest of my life. I wish I had someone to be with.

/drdc/
If you wonder why I only stay for hours,
and pull out of your drive at midnight..
Its because I don't want you to see me
pulling at my skin and
clawing at my face.
I don't want you to see me
snap rubber bands on my wrists to
hide the lines the next morning.
I don't want you to see me,
Tear streaked,
Red faced,
Screaming out at everything inside of me,
Trying to cut the broken pieces out of myself,
Tongue black from the smoke
and sluggish from the bottle.
Have you ever noticed that you've necer seen me cry?
You've never seen me bleed?
No.
Because once I start, I can't stop.
I'm going from bad to worse,
and I refuse to take you with me.
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