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I've made the same decision
Almost every hour
of almost every day

You will never know my struggles
But I'm holding on
and I'm okay
they call the progress of loving you-
and of course im falling
it hurts
im raw, exposed
hurt absolutely everywhere
but thats the point-
i want to fall

if its for you, ill let myself hurt any day
im sorry
 Nov 2014 Damaged
 Nov 2014 Damaged
I saw you staring,
But I wasn't caring.
We were walking,
I was talking.
You said you loved me,
I knew it was true.
You kissed me slowly,
I was falling for you.
Hand in hand,
We would stand.
Heart to heart,
Never to part.
written 1.4.12
You left me.
I was alone.
You were supposed to be there,
but you decided who was most important.
I want you to know that it hurt me so bad,
I felt like I had died for a time.
But then I realized it was you who died,
and I mourn your loss.
The ghost of my friend hangs over my shoulder.
And I mourn you.
But this was your choice.
So when its all over,
and you have questions and want answers..
Find a mirror.
Because I won't mourn you forever.
I can't,
Lydia, Lydia,
There are broken angels
beneath your skin.

Your face is stone,
and white as snow,
where the color should have been.

Your husband is by your side,
middle school passion left undead.
Your sister over your right shoulder,
smiling like the day you wed.

You don't hear Zach's talk of cereals,
but a tight smile shows on your face.
The greif streaked grime of tears and salt
rims your neck like wedding lace.

Tomorrow you will rise
and pour milk into your bowl.
Look across the table,
just to feel your crushing soul.

To not see the eyes
that were there for twenty years.
To share no more secrets,
or confide her sisterly fears.

You both spent your life devoted
to three hundred sixty-five words
of repiticious hope.
Only to wake up with the flipping of a page,
to find a car bent in ash and smoke.

This hollow eyed shell I saw in the store
clenched her teeth up tight,
to suffer along like the people of The Book,
and hold Faith to Father of Light.

You made me shed tears for you,
because you made me come to see
I would never leave my little sister
By any of my own means.

I felt cheated for you,
so joyous in your Word.
To spread the light of God
to every part of Earth.

But now you are away,
taking flight,
still this young.
I go home with knotted throat,
and my eyes felling as if theyd been stung.

I've been thinking of you both,
by blood and faith.
I'm so sorry for your loss,
the unknowing,
all the rage.

I weep for you, dear Madison.
You lived only in a blink.
But I weep for you still more, Lydia.
And I pray that you won't sink.
A passing of the eldest sister in our home town this week, her sister having been a classmate. A devestation, to say the least.
 Jun 2014 Damaged
Matthew Walker
This is my first train ride
and I'm absolutely mesmerized.

You meet a special breed of people
living in uniquely passionate ways.
Saying I'm inspired by their kind
is standing in a blizzard naked and saying
"I'm cold."

The thrill they give me is more
powerful than words can capture,
though I'll try to do my best
like photography with distorted aperture.

I want to write vagabond on a name-tag
and slap it mercilessly on my chest
as a gorilla beats his pounding heart
like a drum before the last stand.

I ditched my seat and found an empty car
to escape the commotion and strum my guitar.
Slowly, people followed and joined me,
I felt like Moses dividing the sea.

I can hardly sing and barely play
but as they listened I felt as if
I was singing the sound of the rain,
washing away the mud in their smiles.

Six people are sleeping on the floor.
Beside me, their silent presence is igniting.
I want to dance in their zeal;
let it burn me, in hopes that the scars will never heal.

Maybe I'm over romanticizing this moment
but I can't squelch the raw audaciousness.
It's in their eyes, and in their laughs,
and in the way they form sentences.

It's burrowed itself into my heart.
In this moment, I feel so alive,
this passion cannot die, the traveler's immorality,
I have become the wanderer's infinity.

12/17/13 1:30am
 Jun 2014 Damaged
Matthew Walker
waking up without a care,
flannel unbuttoned in the sun,
freedom's overgrown hair,
barefoot until winter has won.

repainting the streets with my board
when all the cars have gone to sleep
exploring abandoned buildings
with flashlights and reckless fear.

who cares about tomorrow
as long as I make it today?
Forever is living in the moment
and realizing the future will never come.

I miss home
and all that used to be.
I miss those things
which will never return.

Because my science teacher taught me
that the moon evokes the tides
But she never taught me
how humans were like him too
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