let me sip this wine
and go back in time
          to when we were young & free.
running wild
          not much on our minds
wondering
         where we could get the next dime
hovering
         over each other's bodies
covering
         so they wouldn't see the bruises
"honey
         there's more on your mind than drugs
what is this side of you?"
        
         "it's the side that no one knew
cause life is a blessing
         and we're wasting our youth."

You cannot love someone before you love yourself.
You say that you're happy, yet you aren't happy in your own company.
You say that you're a better person now that you've met him, yet weren't you a fantastic person before?
You say that you can't live without him, yet you have all the necessities of life to live without him.
What you don't realize darling is that you are wonderfully amazing in your own unique way.
Truth is you don't need him to be happy, because your laughter used to fill a room before you even knew of his existence.
Truth is you were a good person before he came along, you helped people in need as often as you could.
Truth is you can survive without him and live a successful life however you'd like.
Truth is darling, you'd be okay by yourself.
You'd learn to love yourself,
Learn to be happy when he's not around,
Learn to get out there and meet people, experience things,
Learn to have goals and dreams aside from his,
You would learn.
If you don't build your own dream, someone else will hire you to help them build theirs.
Before you love someone and give your all to them, fall in love with yourself.
Be yourself, because no matter how much you love them and they love you, they will change you.
Make sure you're grounded, stable.
People won't always be there for you, but you will always be there for yourself.
And darling don't ever let a boy push you down so low to where you don't love yourself and to where you feel like a mistake.
Because you aren't a mistake
You're absolutely wonderful.
Love yourself, because yourself deserves that love.

It's a strange feeling to see someone like who you usted to be. You see that forgotten girl in her hollow face. The way her cheekbones dip in a sulking way. It's like a permanent stain of sadness etched into her expression. The bags under her eyes show her sleep deprivation due to stress and anxiety brought on by thoughts created by her own demons inside of her own head. Her hair is very thin because very few locks remain. Her suffering hides in the lining of her collarbone. She feels it as if it is a sculpture, rubbing all of her worries away. She is comforted by her hip bones, the way they bulge out like mountain peaks. Her stomach craves for nutrition, for a taste of happiness. Although her body demands the continents of her kitchen, her mind screams No! You can see the lining of her stomach and wonder if that was really you way back then. The way she struggles to breath as she runs, forcing herself to endure more pain that she already experiences. She can feel her chest burning, little does she know it's acid eating away at her, killing her slowly. Her thighs no longer touch, they breach a gap so wide, you wonder how her legs can withstand such a faulty structure. Her lips are a lavender hue and you wonder if she ate something purple, but no. You know deep down it's the cold that fills her body constantly. Even in the summer she wears long sleeves and jeans because the shivers that go up and down her spine are so strong that she may convulse if she were not protected by her warm clothes. Her fingers are slim and seem to be those of a creature that's non-human. Her body is so frail and so weak. But it's become a safe haven for her. The constant glances in the mirror. Examining her body for any flaws that might have surfaced. The constant fight between body and mind whether to starve or to survive the day. I'm hungry, says the body. You're weak, says the mind. As I look at this stranger I see myself. My forgotten self. That forgotten girl long ago who saw her life dwindling before her eyes. Those broken pieces still surface now and then. And that forgotten girl will never truly be forgotten. Because she used to be a part of me. My best friend, yet my true enemy. My anorexia.