love is the loneliest feeling in the world
it makes me feel lonely
it makes me sit at a coffee shop in agony
aware of the fast paced world around me
no matter how much i try to reach out
it will never be close enough
no one will ever be close enough
i am lonely in love
even being alone,
is better than being with a lover and feeling
totally, alone.

i was yours
i always thought i would be yours
i believed i would be yours

i was not yours
i thought wrong,
i know not a thing of beliefs

for i am not yours
and am on a negative scale
i do not have beliefs,

for you are not mine
you were mine, long after i was not yours
you did not attend church of truth; no beliefs
you did not have an unbalanced scale

you were mine
nine months of pure love
or so i thought; i thought wrong
i had beliefs and truths

i wish you were never mine
for you have made me believe solemnly
that i am always wrong,
i am unworthy

i have come to realize,
one day there will be a final curtain call on Youth,

and that,

the clouds that present themselves as mountains,
on the horizon of colourful life,

are to far for a mortal to touch,
to grasp and to hold,

for the youth that is holding me now;

will soon be like the clouds that possess, themselves as mountains,

on the horizons of life.

for my youth,
will soon be too far to reach,

and that the horizon of colourful life,
will soon be a wretched black sky,

for my youth, is not for me to hold forever.

I could never love you,

the way people think I can

I love you in many ways,

complex ways, simple ways, hard ways

but never the way people think I can.

I love you as much as the universe loves her stars,

I love you as much as the rain hitting your bare skin.

but never in the way people think I can.

They think I can only love someone

lightly, softly, friendly, platonically

I love you as Alexander the Great loved Hephaestion.

Secretly, deeply, intensely.

On nights like these,

I question, the way I am,
I question, the way these are,
I question, the people around me.

On nights like these,

I feel, the pain of the past
I feel, the bitterness of the present
I feel, the scared uncertainty of the future.

On nights like these,

I see, the trauma I was put through,
I see, the distance I put between loved ones
I see, the way people "love" me.

On nights, like these.