ophelia

ophelia Jun 2018

Dimly lit bedrooms ,
tick, tick, ticking of the digital clock
Any outsider looking in would’ve thought i was insane.

Screaming into my pillows, begging for it to stop
the angonizing interal pain bursting at the seams of my body

I am my own coffin, my own cause of death.
My head is an occupied battleground, fighting a fight that i will continuously lose.
Bloodshed of calming memories replaced with overthinking thoughts.
Bang Bang Banging on my chest.
At the end of the wave, the battleground is empty, countless memories slained.
There is only one sound;
a drained body weeping.

For the breakdown i had last night, i wrote this i attempt to get my feelings out.

#anxiety #depression #exhausted #im #tired

ophelia Jun 2018

Letters to my anxiety

Dear anxiety,
I remember when i first met you. So bright and innocent, I was. The loud voices of my parents arguing had my heart pounding, worrying; overthinking.

Dear anxiety,
Our second encounter; band class. I remember clearly, you had me gasping for my own breath; i thought i was dying.
I realized, since then, you will never leave. You will be walking the same line as me, for the rest of my life.

Dear anxiety,
When I entered my last year of junior high, you had gotten yourself a lover, depression. At that time, I thought you were going to go away, stop clinging to me. You never did.
I had forgotten what happiness felt like. If it wasn’t you, it was depression. If it wasn’t you, it was the lack of sleep from staying up till 3 am, crying, begging.
Now, I do not get sleep, I can’t seem to find that innocence i had, when i first met you, but yet, i still find comfort in your touch.
With love,
lia .

#anxiety

— The End —