I scream, I scream,
No one can hear me.
From under the ground,
In the middle of the crowd,
On top of that mountain;
But no one can hear me.
Or see me.
Can you see me?
Can you see the lies drawn
On my face?
That frown forcefully erased
From its place?
Can you see I'm holding
My breath?
Waiting to find an outlet..
And I scream, I scream,
But what's the point?
I'm buried deep
And I'm drowning inside.
There's no way to wake up
Because I'm not asleep,
I'm simply dead inside.
I scream, I scream,
But how can you hear me?
When these voices scream louder
And there's no way to find me.
Are you finding me?
But how can you,
When you don't even know I'm
Lost.
You see me, sitting right here,
Smiling away my life;
Little do you know,
I'm living in my own
Holocaust.

Don't know what to think
When he looks at me
The way he does;
It could be love
It could be lust.

His eyes shine bright
And I like to think
That that's because of me
Or for me and only me,
It could be anything
It could be dust.

I take him with my eyes
And drink him with my soul
His flavour sweetens with every sip,
I keep craving him more and more.

He could be in love
Or he could be wrong
He could be singing
Some other song.

Don't know what makes his
Lips rhyme,
Too afraid to learn
That it could be different from mine
He can sing anything he likes
As long as he vows to stay mine.

The way he holds me
Makes me wonder
What if he could be mine
To hold forever?

I could devote stanzas
On his every quirk and feature if I could
From the gap in his teeth
To the crinkle of his nose
To the flip of his hair
To his perfectly arched brows.
Or even his flirtatious smile
Or the light in his eyes
Or his hearty laughter
Or his innocent white lies.

Not a single word
Not a poetic line
Not a verse
Can do justice to his kind.

I think it's to do
With the way he looks at me
Like he does.
It could be love,
It could be lust
It could be anything
It could be dust.

When life gives you lemons,
You squeeze them in your eyes,
You don't think twice, regret
Or get to question why.
For it is written in fate
For it is how it is to be,
You don't get to choose it ,
And you don't get to cry.

You'll fight it, hate it, neglect it and whine,
You'll curse it, resist it, run from it and hide.
But it'll catch you one way or the other,
It's better if it catches you this way than the other.
For it stings like a bee,
Then pains like a wound
And you may think you are enough to take it,
Before it comes back and bites you in the moon.

One shot, two shot, three shot, four
Glasses become empty but the lemons keep coming more.
It's no fun with the acidic
Sourness creeping into my soul.
Yet it keeps coming more, more
And more...

Call it fate,
Call it luck,
Call it magic,
Whatever you must,
It is easier to blame others
Than to put myself under the bus.
A *****-up here,
A ****-up there,
One by one my life has scattered everywhere.

So I take these lemons that life owes
And the ones that I already own,
Trying hard not to put them all in my drink,
Days go by but it feels like a blink,
Maybe I do down them all
Maybe that's become my thing.
But hey, I don't whine about it anymore,
Or fight it, hate it or neglect it
Life keeps changing erratically,
This is the truth, this is my new reality.

Uplift this curse from me,
I don't want to go there anymore,
I want to move forward, live in the now,
My past is not a place to move around and about.

I pinch myself once, nay, twice at least,
I pinch myself everyday,
But the reality stays the same
I'm in the present, in the now
Still my past plays a cruel joke with my life's endless game.

It is another year, a better time
This is my moment to shine
New clothes, new hair, new boy
Still it is the same as last time
My feelings are my life's favourite toy.

I'm not a broken record,
Stop playing me on repeat;
I'm not your favourite song,
Stop singing it on and on;
I want to break this cycle,
I want to move on;
Stop blocking my path,
Let my life go on.

Eventhough he is buried deep,
His memories float on shore and never leave
He poisins my mind, my heart, my every need,
He's dead but he never leaves
He eats at my brain
And lives on in the name
Of present and takes the form
Of anything that matters most to me.

Break this curse at last!
Let me breathe for once!
Untie this knot that binds me to my past!
Let me free at last!

Somehow my life circles back to him
I begin where he ends,
Yet, I end up where I begin
He found a way to live on in another,
His ghost haunts me every night
He is gone, so stay gone!
Don't dare come back in another form!

When shall my troubled mind ease?
When shall I find my peace?
When will that new day begin?
When will I know my life has changed from within?

People are like acrylic vases..
So pretty and shapely and tidy and neat..
With their simple designs and flat bottoms;
Some are glittery, some are bold,
Some are colourful and, some are plain gold.

They rest on the shelves for display,
Each showing their perfect angle, their brightest colour..
Each waiting to be knocked down by life's childish play.
Some tumble and fall,
Others crack open but stand tall,
Some are yet to be victims of life's call.

Among thousands of millions of acrylic vases,
There sits one unnoticed vase that faces
The direct rays of the sunlight beams,
Which dance through its translucent glass
It's the only unique one in the entire mass.

When light dances through it you can see
That it's not translucent but crystal-clear,
The fog of patchwork which makes it unclear to see,
Is nothing but shards of glass in a smear.

My broken baby stands tall,
With a few missing pieces and others glued on,
He breaks more and cracks further with every fall
He doesn't look like he once used to,
That silhouette of his shadow is long gone...

But he is beautiful like no other can be
And he is whole in his incompleteness
His damaged self and damaged reputation
Makes him purer and truer than most others
If only they put aside their prejudiced condemnation.

But broken he is, and pain he is enduring.
How long can he carry on?
How long can he stand upright?
How long before all his pieces begin to fall and he loses his fight?
I want to fix him, I want to glue him back piece by piece
I want to ease his agony, help him up,
If only he'd let me.

Perhaps he's too afraid of my touch,
Too afraid that I may break him further
And crack down his glass into powder
If only he'd let me touch him, he'd know
That my grip on his form is like a soothing balm,
His cracks would lessen, while I'd watch his mind
Shift from madness to a serene calm.

But my broken baby needs no one, he made it very clear,
He'd rather face the elements alone than lean on another.
If only he saw how it makes me feel,
How it makes me weep tear after tear
Perhaps  one day he'd want me and no other.

Oh, my broken baby let me save you!
Let me build you up again piece by piece
Let me rip my pieces to make you whole,
Let me help you become complete.
Let me be your martyr, your saviour in disguise,
Watch my features plead and hear my helpless cries!

Words can't begin to describe
I can't undo what I scribed
I wish I could take back
The shame that I ride
On my back and on my bare chest
'COWARD', 'LOSER', 'USELESS'
Are the engraved letters which make me
Feel less and less
And smaller and smaller
As the words grow bigger and mightier,
My will to fight back
Is growing less and less

Removed him from my heart,
Removed him from my life;
Burned all his memories in
The back of my mind,
And tore all his art.
Yet in the intoxicated state that my mind lives,
Swaying with the slightest whip,
My shaky fingers
Grow a mind of their own
And I sigh on the phone
With his name on my
lips.

His voice is like poisoned honey
So deep and sharp and deadly and sweet
His whole being a mirage. . A mystery to me
The closer I reach,
The quicker he vanishes..
Vanishes into another's arms indeed.

He told me he found another,
He told me he has moved on,
I don't understand it,
One instant he seemed so close,
And now he is so far gone.

With the remaining dignity I now swear,
That not another day will rise when I wear
His broken, distorted thoughts on my sleeve;
I know I should find my own path,
Should set him free,
But this time I am selfish enough
To do it for me!