I meld my skin to blankets,
thick as glue
moving under them
is no small task
and I would rather
lie in the sun.

At first awakening,
the crowd is greeted
rises, casts no shadows,
words turn to ash
in their mouths,
and not one swallows.

My stomach hummed, asked me
"Do you remember what it was like
to wear layers
and not walls?"

There are still things marked,
scorched forever,
by some beauty, some fatality.
I would never kick leaves again,
never step in snow.

We are pulled from shelter, from shed
thrown in mud, pulled out of dirt.
I'm a framed picture, a flash bulb.
Recovering bodies, discovering oddities
Please remember, while I trust goodbyes
with you, it doesn't have to be true.

If I were to ascend to heaven
eventually, from my bed
I'd spend all my eternity
wishing for earth instead.

For heaven is no location
to live up to its name
it is a feeling of satisfaction
And so will never change.

If I had it, I would not realize
It would be the closest ever came
to end, because you stop the fight
to make things better than your dreams.

And if it is reality,
then it is daily life,
a utopia of living,
the green on the other side.

I will take what I can get
and it will be no paradise.
But at least I will have some purpose
and will to survive.

I fell in drops, the rain
dew on spiderwebs
string across the bridge, again
fighting for our breath.

Gather peaches in baskets,
our brains left in beds
Your eyes focused; mine distracted,
sunken into my head.

Plastic grocery bags, sidewalk
I go calling out your name
An echo back to me, wet chalk
I put my hands & mind away.

Could you be under cover
like me, are you masked?
A sorcerer? I wonder
But I'm afraid to ask.

Grass clings to my feet
and mud in my smile
The dawn and night meet;
horizon mile.

Midnight I catch your gaze,
standing at the gates
Worthy of praise,
my new & tragic fate.

I want nothing that matters
I’ve got nothing to hide
I want something that matters
I want you by my side

I wish I was stronger than you are
I wish I could push through all of this on my own
I wish that the longer you wish for something
The more you get to call it your own

And all my dreams are like faded photographs
Once experienced now I can only look back
And I have no recollection of what I was doing
So when you show it to me I’ll pretend it was nothing

I miss you more than I thought I would
Papa brings in the firewood
It won’t snow tonight or tomorrow
But I want to end this year without any sorrow

I wish I knew where you are tonight
With someone who’s better than me
You think she’s going to hold you just as tight
But she’ll break your heart more when she leaves

You can come to my front door if you bring celebration and light
I don’t want darkness or hell
I’ve got enough of that myself
So you can leave that all behind

And throw your worries over your shoulder like a bag
Hang your responsibilities on the coat rack
Pretend for just a night you don’t have them
Then leave them here so you have a reason to come back

My piano misses your fingers,
My veins miss your blood.
My fog doesn’t know where it lingers
I guess it’s just as lost as all of us

Can you remember these things to me
I’m in these photos but I have no memory
It’s like looking at a life from years ago
Back in ancient Egypt or maybe Rome

I collect stars just for you tonight
We used to pretend fireworks were bombs
We ran from them, in a sick game
I was frightened and a little bit wrong

And I hang the rhymes out to dry on the line
And looked at them from all angles and behind
You told me red was your favorite shade of wine
But I never knew why you were so blue all the time

Pasting things to my lips in an effort to seal them
It’s been years and my mind is reeling
I can’t believe I used to think that was who I was
Well I do now, but that’s because

Fire can only burn for so long,
So Papa put on another log
And stray from me while it sizzles and cracks
I locked the doors and windows this time
I know you won’t be coming back

This year I want to make a vow
To never fall out with anyone again
Because I cannot see the ground
Or anywhere I’m going to land

You can be something I dream about
Then forget in the morning blues
Before my head leaves my pillow
Ten times I thought of you

And I don’t want to be anything more than what I am with you
Where do I stand?
And I don’t want to decieve myself but all the lies you’ve got are true
And I paint them on my hand

I am unusual sometimes
More than I am complete
I don’t need anyone else to climb
The highest mountains and the tallest trees

I learned to be myself with you
Now I have to learn that without
It shouldn’t be easy to do
But I’ve got to try and start

I know who I am, alright
And you never had a part
You didn’t do anything for my night
And you didn’t owe favors to my heart

I picked some things to stuff in a corner
Of my mind, I should’ve hid them well
Because I swear you can see them if you look closer
Into my eyes when I smile

I want your grey and I want your bright
I want your day and I want your night
Take them all and tuck them inside
Let no one see what lies behind

But you can’t come telling me it meant nothing at all
It meant something to my mind, to my heart, I recall
And something to my father who didn’t think I was listening
And something to my mother who told me I was glistening

Now I cannot say that I would go seeking you out
After all I’ve done to avoid coversation
But if you tapped on my window and shout
I wouldn’t draw the curtains

And you can’t say you wouldn’t do the same
If I was in trouble and needed a hand
If you heard me at night calling your name
I know you would answer and help me to stand