Connor Widener: Favorites

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

Small

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

Natalie Eusebio

Small

I think we read big books to forget that we are living small lives.

#life #escape #writing

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

You wander but love awaits.

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

Amanda Stoddard

You wander but love awaits.

I await at the bridge of your nose
for you to kiss me.
I await at the nape of your neck
to feel the chills down your spine.
I have become accustomed to lonely,
even by your side.
I await the days to burn away
so loosely and never-ending.
I await for the bruises upon my mind
from trying to run away from my mistakes
to become temporary.
I burn and burn and burn away like those days
and I begin to feel the heat from where I lay.
Loose against the grain-
I am like the gravel amongst your feet
clinging to the soles of your shoes wherever you go
etched into your scraped knee as a child
bleeding and broken skin-
I am like the gravel always fleeting-
always in need of reparation
being made of stone and not just one particular kind
I am forever changing in size and faulting
when the lines become etched with tire tracks
I am the space in-between your fingers
lingering for the air to stop flowing through them.
I am your morning coffee-
even though you know how bad you should let go of me
you remember how it feels without me when you wake up
so you have to get another cup.
I am the window pain of your childhood summer camp-
caked with dead flies and the smell of pine
and the memory of the kid you once were.
I am pieces and faults and scars and addiction-
you tell yourself to stay away
even though in the morning you know you won't listen.
The air fades from between those fingers-
and the nape of your neck meets to have dinner
with the chill running down your spine
like it's late for a final exam.
You are anxiety-ridden and all determined
and I am the stone pebbles at your feet
patiently awaiting the return of your shoes
so I can be carried home.

idk what this even is but it felt really good.

#love #addiction #lonely #heart #anxiety #you #me

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

I Want To Make Love To You

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

Kate Breanne

I Want To Make Love To You

I want to
make love
to you
but not
in the way
you'd think

I want to
brush your soul
with my fingertips
and slip in and out
of this world
in your arms

I want to
show you
the galaxy
inside of my heart
and watch you
discover each star

I want to
press my lips
against your body
and write the story
of our love
in sloppy wet kisses

I want to
deeply inhale
your wild spirt
and get high
on all your
hopes and dreams

I want to
wander the maze
in your heart
and hang
my portrait
over the
cracked drywall.

I want to
feel you searching
my soul and
shouting out
in joy at
every piece you find

I want to
strip you
of your insecurities
until you can
bask naked
in the warmth
of my love

I want to
paint our lives
in vibrant memories
of days filled
with laughter
and nights filled
with passion

I want to
have all of you
in every moment
of every single day
for the rest
of forever

And if that
isn't making love.
*I don't want
to know
what is.

penny for a thought?

#love #making

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

when you're forcing yourself to forget them

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

Ellie White

when you're forcing yourself to forget them

Some days, when the skies turn into dark, steely greys, and the rain pours down like the Gods are weeping, I make an effort to pull out the dusty box in the back of my closet. Within it, are memories that are better off forgotten. Everyone who has ever been a part of them, think that these ancient artifacts have been long destroyed, reduced to rubble, burned in fires too bright and strong to survive. However, these items, these photos, these ancient pieces from another era, another time, another life, are reminders of just how far I’ve come. I can pull out a hoodie, deep red, the colour of my blood on my sheets after you left and wrap myself in it to find comfort from the storm raging outside my window. You see, these memories are some things that may be better off erased and destroyed, but every once in a while, when the fragility of life is made apparent, you need to be able to pull out a dusty box, filled with belongings of your seventeen year old self, young and in love, fearlessly taking on and navigating the bumpy roads, of holding two lives in your hands, and working tirelessly to blend them together. You’ll fall in love again, maybe you already have, but you will never fall in love for the very first time again, and it’s important to physically be able to hold that too hot summer in your hands; where the weather only allowed you to sit by the water with the air conditioning on full blast, playing songs on a hand burned CD, talking about the future like you had a clue of what it would bring. It’s important to remember what being naïve and infinite was like. It’s important to be able to remember him. It’s important to let yourself remember him.

#love #heartbreak #young #writing #heartache #musings #seventeen #gettingoverit

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

This is not a poem.

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

Harsh

This is not a poem.

This is not a poem, my dear.
This...
this is more than a code comprised of 26 letters, 10 digits, and a few punctuation symbols.
What you are carrying in your hand right now is more than just a few thousand pixels presented on a glass screen, it's more than just a string of words put together in prose.

What is being graced by those lovely hands and gorgeous eyes of yours is a piece of me; this is a tangible piece of my mind, darling. I give this (and many others like it) to you as a gesture of trust and love, but I just as well give this to you with a warning. I apologize if this seems...foreboding (among other things).

Along with my love, I present this piece of me unto you irretrievably. This is no childish box or chance trinket that needs wrapping. This...this is a glass-shelled grenade, darling. But don't worry, I've secured the pin with my heart-strings. This glass is blown from the grit and salt of my tears and sweat, my burning rage fueled the furnace. Splinters of my bones form the shrapnel, and a carved piece of my ever-beating heart fuels the whole mess.
This is raw. This is crude, it's unfiltered; call me Pandora, this is my box, in a way. It holds my hope, that someone will keep this piece of me safe, that someone like you will look past the crudeness and see the sentiment behind it.

This piece of me, I don't ask of you to string it up and wear it upon your breast, I do not ask you to flaunt it and keep it close to you at all times. Lock it up, shut it away, darling. It is not beautiful, neither am I. Feel free to bury it, go ahead and put it away. It is ugly, it is dangerous. You should not caress this piece of me, it is fragile and will not provide any comfort to you. I wish unto you no harm. I ask of you to keep it safe. Protect it from my demons, save it and myself from my nightmares. I apologize for the burden I have placed upon your graceful shoulders, but your inherent strength inspires me and gives me faith. I know I ask too much of you; you have my most sincere apologies.
I've given you everything I am, I have nothing more to give you.
You are perfect, my guardian angel, I am fragile and flawed...
protect me.

#love #poetry #life #thoughts #me #personal #foryoumydear #kda #harshhappens

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

October Comforts

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

Harsh

October Comforts

The weather is really light out; the breeze is cool but these sheets are warm
and it's overcast but not cloudy.
It's the perfect weather to wear sweatpants and tee shir-
no, actually, it's the perfect weather to wear your skin atop mine.
The perfect weather to caress your curves under these soft sheets, letting my body warm yours, letting my hands hold yours, letting my eyes drown in yours.
It's the perfect weather to coat that lovely face of yours with happy kisses and smiles.
It's the perfect weather to talk about how we'll raise Marlye
and how big or small our house will be in Bremerton.
It's the perfect weather to lie down on your stomach
and list the reasons why you make me smile.

#love #poetry #life #thoughts #me #personal #kda #harshhappens

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

October Comforts (Heavier Reprise)

Apr 2015 Connor Widener

Harsh

October Comforts (Heavier Reprise)

The weather is really light out; the breeze is cool but these sheets are warm and it's overcast but not cloudy. It's the perfect weather to wear sweatpants and tee shir- no, actually, it's the perfect weather to wear your skin atop mine. The perfect weather to caress your curves under these soft sheets, letting my body warm yours, letting my hands hold yours, letting my eyes drown in yours. It's the perfect weather to coat that lovely face of yours with happy kisses and smiles. It's the perfect weather to talk about how we'll raise Marlye and how big or small our house will be in Bremerton. It's the perfect weather to lie down on your stomach and list the reasons why you make me smile.

*But, in reality, you're not here.
So, it's the perfect weather for me to silently pad downstairs in sweatpants and a hoodie at 3 in the morning, start a *** of coffee, and plunk out lonely melodies on this piano of mine as I wait for my coffee and my heart to warm up. It's the perfect weather for my bones to ache for you, the perfect weather for my lips to still longingly have the lingering taste of you.

It's the perfect weather to miss you.

And you know I'm at a loss for words right now because I'm talking about the ******* weather.

This is a heavier rendition of an earlier piece I entitled "October Comforts." I wrote both at the same time but I didn't really like this version as much, but I decided to share anyways.

#love #heartbreak #sad #life #miss #distance #personal #foryoumydear #kda