You act so ditzy
It's sickening
Everything about you is
Fake, fake, fake.
I can't even look in your eyes;
They're blank.

He says that he is broken
That he is Empty
He must not realize
That the moon
Does not have to be full
For it to be loved

I'm not the type of girl
Who flirts to get out of things
Who fawns all over you.
I'm not the girl
To get dressed up
And put on a mask of makeup.
I'm not the one
Who wears her heart on her sleeve
Or pours her emotions out for all to see.
I'm not the girly girl
Into the latest fashion
Or the new trends.
I'm not the one
To get all pretty just for you.

I'm the girl
Who plays tough.
Dirt and grime never bothered me.
I'm the one
To play with the guys
In sports and games.
I'll beat you in your favorite video game
As we eat the fattiest foods.
I'm the tomboy
Who loves to just be comfortable.
I bottle up my emotions
Hiding from them behind a wall.
My exterior is just a facade
Of strength and toughness
Held up by sheer will.

I'm not going to change.
I love me for me
But I hope that you can see
Past the mask that covers my interior.
The passion that hides behind the fence
Waiting to be found.
The romantic who needs a push,
A sign to know it's real.
A nudge in the right direction
Is all you need to give.

Showing me you care
And telling me are two different things.
I'm not the girl who reads up on relationships
Trying to decipher the meaning
Behind every word,
Every movement,
Every little thing.
Instead, I'm the one to take it at face value.
Don't play games with me
Just make it clear as day.
Are you here to stay?
Or are you here to play?

If you're here to stay
Then just let me know.
I can't stand these mixed signals
Hovering between just friends
And something more.
If you're here to play
Then I need to know.
I don't like these games
Of cat and mouse.
I can't stand the doubt
Which plagues my mind.

To me you're more than just a friend.
We've been dancing for 6 months
Between the two stages.
Each time I think I know what's going on
Something you do turns me around.
This dance is getting old
And I'm getting scared.
The more time we spend together
The more attached I grow.
But I'm afraid that I have no right to you,
Because you seem to keep changing your mind.

I'm not a girly girl
I'm not the one to open up easily.
But you're growing on me
And I feel a desire to tell you everything.
But I'm afraid that you'll leave,
Just like everyone else had.
I've been through too much
To wear my heart on my sleeve.
I've grown tough even as I hide.
My emotions squeezed and confined
Want to burst forth when you're around.
I don't know how to tell you this
Maybe I should let you read instead
All my words and poems.

To be good,
to be caring,
to be kind,
to be loving -

I try.

To be gentle,
to be sympathetic,
to be humble,
to be energetic-

I try.

To be smart,
to be helpful,
to be present,
to be hopeful-

I try.

To be fun,
to respect,
to be happy,
to be perfect-

I try.


I try.


*I fail.

She was alone. No one to hold her.
Her friends thought she was happy,
Why? Because that's what she told them.

looking...searching for something real.

"I'm fine." "I'm okay."
Is all she would say.
Faking a smile and moving on every single day.
No one knew. She had everyone fooled.

looking...fighting off demons.

No one knew what she felt, or what she thought,
or what she did when coming home, and the memories she fought.
No one knew what was happening behind the scenes of this Angels' smile.

looking...seeking for a hero.

She thought that she was useless,
that there's nothing to her, no point to stay alive.
Little did she know that the hero she was looking for, was on his way.

looking...finding a hero.

Until this one day, she thought She needed someone.
Until this day, when he walked up to her and
told her that she is His hero.

looking...loving a hero..loving herself.

Full of doubt, she asked "Why?"
"Because of who you are" he answered,
"All you have to do is find yourself, your true self."
"Because when you do so , I'm certain that you'll be able to see you,
the way others see you, the way I see you; My hero."
"My hero in disguise."

I can still remember your voice,
Fragmented as though refracted through a prism
I remember pressing delete on the last voicemail you ever sent me,
You called to thank me for the flowers,
You called me thoughtful, sweet,
You were tripping over your words with joy,
And I couldn't handle it after you left,
Because your voice reminds me of symphonies and plane crashes
And oh God, how it still echoes sometimes,
Like the sound of a child's laughter ringing across an abandoned playground,
Your voice resonated with the frequencies of my heart strings,
And now I fear it would only cause earthquakes

I can't do this anymore,
The pretending,
The lies,
The betrayal.

I can't do this anymore,
The lying to my friends,
To my family
About being happy.

I can't do this anymore,
I'm sick of trying,
I'm tired of crying,
I just want to sleep.
To sleep and forget,
Because while I'm sleeping
I don't remember anything.

I don't remember the hurt,
The lies,
The scars,
The blood,
I don't remember anything.

i just have to believe what you say, stranger
because your words are all i've got

i just have to believe your name
though there were no results in facebook or google

i'm just believing that you like me
and that you really would analyse my handwriting
and that you live in the place you're living

but i will never know
if you'll come online
again