I think I have finally come to accept that my home is
on the fence.
I am constantly fighting with myself of my worth and intentions.
A forever debate if I am worthy of the good or deserve all the bad.
I want so deeply to love someone,
and their love to be pure in return.
Yet do I deserve to accept their love?

I want so badly
to be a kind, genuine and patient person,
yet when I am,
I get used.
Then when I voice my thoughts,
I get abused.

I am nervous for the day
that a big gust of wind comes along and blows me and my home
off the fence.
But which side will I fall?

I'm scared.

The only way I know how to describe depression
to people who don't understand what it is like,
is by telling them

"Imagine,
you had this awful ache
inside of your soul.
It embeds itself so deep,
like the darkest, most painful bruise you ever received,
but it has attached itself like a leech, to your soul.
It is a part of you,
constantly throbbing,
which makes other parts of your body hurt.
As the throbbing in you soul continues,
it branches off into your head, where it grows like a ****.
Your brain starts to throb to the point where you can almost feel it
becoming too large for your skull to contain.
You almost want to do unthinkable things,
to release all the pressure in your head.
The throbbing continues into all your muscles.
Every move is painful and draining.
You go about your life, into the world as a normal person
putting on a facade,
when really,
you can't even fathom how you are taking every step and every breath.
You are just one big ball of throbbing energy.
Now imagine feeling that everyday."

That is the only way I can describe it.