i’m tired of feeling
like i wanna die
all the time
it makes me feel
sick inside because
i wanna be here for you
and i wanna keep
holding your hand
but i feel so blue
all the time
i don’t know how
to keep staying alive

i don’t want help anymore
i tried and tried but
nothing ever saved me
and i cried and cried
because i still
wanna die
i love you so much but
i wanna say goodbye
yet still stay by your side

i waste everyday
“living my life”
but i sit here and
wonder what it would be like
if i took my own life
i wish i could get better
but i’m permanently stuck
losing my mind
to the sadness that fills
the blood in my veins
which goes directly
to my brain

I told him I was fine,
But then he looked at me and said:
"If you're going to do that,
Then I want you to take my arm,
and cut as many times
you would yourself",
I stared in disbelief.
Told him I couldn't,
Couldn't cause him such harm.
Not ever.
Then I suddenly froze
Struggled to breathe, struggled to speak.
Lost feeling all the way through my toes.
In that moment, I saw it,
Deep in his eyes.
I finally understood.
And I stopped telling lies.

Music, a double edge sword.
It aggravates gaping wounds;
It mends optimistic spirits.

A magic that can ascend one to
A higher plane of existence,
Or a boulder that can send one hurling
To the bottom of Dante's inferno.

A cupid that gives repose to distressed spirits,
Or a scythe that leaves a furrow in the heart of a cynical soul.

They say time heals, I say music aligns the stars,
Fuels the flare, unclouds the gloom of the skies;
Brings spirits closer to enlightenment.

I chose to embrace her, drop the deadweight,
And unlock the shackles of my heart.

I write, because the things I wish to say come out a lot better when I put pen to paper then when I try to make those same words come out of my mouth.

-m.n.

Thoughts are like
a rare brand of poison
that will slowly
take over your mind
and eat you alive.

I'm not saying that it's not gonna hurt
Because it does
It will
It will continue to hurt every single day
He will do things that will hurt
He will say things that will hurt
He will

But it's okay
It's a risk I am willing to take
It's a risk I am willing to embrace
I'd lay it all down
Give my best shot
Because I'm in love
Because I love
And knowing that it might work would have to be enough

It's not what you said
it's what the rain meant
it's not what you did
it's how the stars didn't shine
when you left