When I was with her,
I never felt so alive, nor dead.
I never felt so much love, nor so alone.
I never felt so much pain, and so much joy.
I never knew how strong I was, nor how weak.
I never knew what I could do, nor what was out of reach.
Still can't see a difference between loving her and torturing me.

Slowly, you come before
Me in this warm light
As the only thing I want.

Don't make it a dream,
just give in.
Let me seep in.
Seep into me.

Your fold, my sin,
our whole existence, manifest
in you, my friend.
Tempt intense,
your taste, my wish
to make you want it badly.

Hold me, come again.
Intense, breathe slowly and return
this favor I ask you so sincere and desperately.
Give me your secret, your desire, your fire
what inspires
your mind and soul.

This last chance, this request
I whisper loud.
One taste, your sin, your ***.
Your salvation I beg to give you
One more time.

One caress, one gesture
One grace
This taste of you
my dark nirvana.

Blindly crawling, ****** kneed, trembling.
Feeling in the darkness, the murk and muck on the floor covers knees.
Breath uneven and scared, terrified again.

There are no doors, no windows, no others.
The cell has no features, only walls with no color.
An expression of the mind, an image of nightmare. Empty.

The lack of content is what scares.
Air so thick, one would choke, but I can't open my mouth.
Nothingness pervades. Wades through the thoughts to another corner.

With but thy blood and fingernails, messages are cut, carved and scraped into the grey concrete of these walls, words begging to not be forgotten.
Messages mandating weak memory to scribe.

This is my mind. This is where each day I reside.

In terror of the world, I am not inside.
in horror of the things I think, or thought?
I know not nor remember what I do, I am scared.
Naked, afraid and trying to remember the lessons I learned so long ago.

Goose-bump covered and huddled in the corner.
Hands wrapped around my knees, crying, shaking.
Dead inside, hollowed out. Nobody home.
Betrayed again...
By myself.

Beside myself.

He hears voices; but do you hear his?
Spitting crystals from his teeth,
he says he drank the magic of time
and now every second passing of mine is nervous
knowing every passing second of his mind.
His internal monologue eternally seeping into external,
leaking into the verbal.

He wears many faces; many places know his steps.
How do you react when you see him?
Do you retract and take action to extract yourself
from his immediate surroundings? I do.
His impact is astounding, found in my hometown
are two types of intimidation;
the vexed son and the wrecked **** of Wrexham.

Giant in the crowd, bald with a dead stare.
Constantly looking down, clothes so thin with many a tear.
Academic with his head in the clouds, to look at,
epidemic with his eyes to the ground in reality.
Local myth whose pith is to be barefoot,
you daren’t look. Innocent elder, non compos mentis,
tells you she carries bombs.  

It carries on, in plain sight
there are so many vacant minds walking these streets.
They incite fear, recite dreams and live near
the edge. Of the kerb. Of the absurd.
I have had the chance to meet some frail lives,
one gave me their last drop of wisdom and the tale of his bullet wound.
He told me to remember where I was from.

The land makes me uncomfortable;
each crooked branch hooking plants
and their stance stands to make me
look at man.

Each strand of hair waves at a blade of grass,
feeding off the dead.
Seething in my head
instead of screaming into the mass of land.

Dead field; tombstones protruding,
next wheel in a loom only using
hands to make a blanket
to cover the globe.
  
Against a grey tree, lately
it seems that I will be little more than
a flayed piece of meat making
an imprint in the mud.

Stood shivering, simmering blood,
red face on black cloud.
Nothing still, killing time
while time does likewise.

Broken angels and idols of old
hold idle fables that watch me grow cold.
Names erased in the moss,
lost in the face of the earth.

One day I sat alone
Staring out over the endless tides of blue.
Dark thoughts scouring for a moan,
As my mind ‘s eye focused on Nature’s hue.

Incessant honking, sirens and colored lights plagued the night.
As I sat there, peering out into the world I left.
My neighbors came by hiding sympathy for my plight.
Ever confused as to my serene chin’s cleft.

A crowd grew as they wandered around my yard anxious for a show.
I sensed a uniformed officer approach me.
Her energy vibrated with a dull maroon glow.
I blinked at this new energy I could see.

She stopped mid step as she watched my reaction.
I looked down at my hands and found them full of blood.
My once serene face quivered with curious reflection.
She reaches down to her hip, as her mouth opens like a blossoming bud.

Her mouth moved but her words I did not hear.
That voice so sweet, so pure, so near!
“Where are you my love!”
My face twists to the sky as I hear her from above.

It was only then that I heard the officer’s words.
As my eye wanders to a man’s body bleeding at my feet.
“Put it down Mr. Birds!
We all know you got him beat!”

My body quivers as images flash through my mind.
My wife, tied to the bed.  My son’s door kicked in.
Serenity flushes from me as rage begins to unwind.
A man lies over her on my bed, doing his cardinal sin.

The rage surges as my scream erupts throughout the night.
My neighbors fallback as the officer grabs her gun.
I see her gun and confusion set me right.
Again her voice!  Telling me not to run.

Her sweet voice yearned me to drop the knife,
I instantly react as the knife falls to the ground.
The officer sees this and takes a few steps wary of strife.
I look and see all the pained faces around.

The officer pats me down as my eye wanders to heaven’s gate.
“I am sorry dear!” was all I could say.
Her voice sweetly answered in a tone definitively innate.
“We love you dear, please find your way.”

The officer puts my hands behind me as she places the cuffs.
A new voice pours from heaven’s roughs.
“I love you dad.  We are finally safe.
Now go and find your way to us without anymore strafe.”

His pure words shocked me to the core,
As water gushed from my long dry shores.
My emotional rigidness was no more,
Leaving the sadness and grief free to explore.

Only then did I see all the brighter blue hues,
Of my comforting neighbors, and friends.
There to mend what they could of what was left from life’s blues.
That was when I knew, that love never ends.