She lost her heart inside his soul..in the words his mind composed...inside the myriad memories of this emerald eyes...that shone with a light she had never know...a longing she thought was hers alone...

She loved him more than life itself..
But feared that even the shadow of her
scared, wounded heart would cast
an evil that could not be dispelled.

The proof of her love was in her eyes..she loved him each moment...knowing well that even the sight of him killed her a thousand times over...
She wanted the best for him...even if it meant being without her.

His future, his dreams meant more to her than that ache deep down to see him behold her with a longing she saw in his eyes alone....none ever looked at her like that...ever
Lust was all she got....disgust if at all.

He made her feel beautiful, feel complete..seem ageless...almost magically as if his love alone could transform her demons into ashes....
He was all she ever wanted..hoped for..he was the answer to her aching heart!

She loved him like she would die every day just to be held in his transcendental embrace...

But then she ran away...frightened at the plethora of emotions that coursed through her hopeless body..afraid of her own shadow...afraid of what it meant...a reality she couldn't dream of..cudnt imagine..
worlds colliding.. hopes shattering...
she dare not love again...she dare not love again..she promised herself.."Not this time...not again"

you used to leap over mountains
     to reach me
you used to sail through the seas
     to see me
you used to journey through darkness
     to hold me

and now you can't be bothered to do anything at all.
          because you simply "dont have the time."
                                                            s
                                                              o
                                                  s                  q
                                                e                      u
because t                              i                           i
                  i                         l                              c
                     m                 f                                  k
                          e                                                   l
                                                                                y


and then days become weeks,
weeks become months
& then it's becomes years since we've spoken

you say you don't have time,
but they say that you make time for the
          people
                          you
                                      love.

I never expected to capture anything more
than a fragment of you
A phrase you might once have spoke in your sleep,
A twitch of your lips,
Or the curve of your spine when you stretched.

I soon realized that snippets of you were all about the place,
caught in the hedge by the back gate or reflected in the kettle.
The rings of coffee mugs on my old desk,
and loose change down the back of the sofa.
Even when I was away I still found you,
Sand in my shoes, folded corners in my books,

Even though you are gone,
I can see you in myself.
I speak with your words,  
I still see the world as you described it,
Full of wonder and curiosity,
But now tinged with bitterness.
Lyrics from your songs lurk in my mind,
And an aching emptiness where my heart once was.

I cannot forget you,
For I cannot escape you.

You know I'm tired of playing this game
Always chasing the right girl away
All because I'm too blind and stupid chasing after the wrong
Why am I playing this ******* game
It's like I'm allergenic to the truth,
And just enjoy beating my self as if I'm slave
Like seriously what the **** am I doing with my life
Ruining it, maybe
Because I'm sure as hell ain't making it better
I mean look at me battle scares are bruises imprisons my body in the jail ceil in monopoly
Only if it were a game
But no, this real life
This is reality, what my life will be based off of
But stupid ol' me treat it as if it was a ******* game  
Why can't I get it through my thick skull that is not a ******* game
Am I retarted or just that slow
It is as if my ******* chained my arms to the **** floor and threw away the ******* keys
What the **** am I doing with my ******* life
Why am I throwing it away as if it is worthless tool
Am I really that much of a fool
Just sitting down on this stool watching the clock tic
What the **** am I doing with my life
No seriously someone please tell
Cause clearly I'm not bright enough to know

Pain. It hurts so bad
Shattering you inside.

Pain. Your beating heart
Is no longer alive.

Pain. Your weary eyes
Are blinded with dark lights.

Pain. The suffering
And guilt of your life.

Pain. Your teardrops
Stain your blotchy face.

Pain. Your veins throb
Expelling adrenaline as you fade.

Pain. Your mind goes blank
You don't have the attention you crave.

Pain. Your lips are cracked
After crying for hours straight.

Pain. You're shivering with cold
And no one will keep you safe.

Pain. Peer over the edge
Estimating the fall.

Pain. It's all you have
Once you fall in love.

Welcome inside!
My own purgatory.
My twisted mind.
My melted story.

Down every hallway,
open a different door.
Tempted by temptation,
fearing nature's *****.

Mirrors on the ceiling,
reflecting a dark stare.
Blood drips from the corners,
makes you want to dare.

Tiptoe to the staircase,
spirals out of pitch.
Death grip on the banister,
devil makes me trip.

Sinister and evil,
shadows follow me.
No more mental hauntings,
wake me from this dream.

Trapped by my surroundings,
biting every bit,
Seeing everything red,
by every blowing hit.

No perfect little world,
or perfect little bell.
Won't you trade me places?
Within my own living hell