living on the edge of my seat is no way to live
constant butterflies flap their wings in my chest
i don't know how to stop it all
how do i live without fear, how do i live with it
they say I'm brave
but i am constantly afraid
to turn a corner or a page
to say hello or goodbye
to shake hands or hold you close
to kiss you or push you away
i am afraid
anxious…….
living as a ghost of myself in a world of warm blooded people
tapping my toes and biting my fingertips
until they bleed
pulling at my lips until they burn
it hurts and theres no cure
i can't sit still, i can't wake up
those butterfly wings are going to fly me far away from here
and i am not not not coming back
if i can't live without fear
i will not live at all

When I first saw him My eyes and his eyes matched. Me and him alone. Him staring at my eyes wondering. His glowing smile and smooth  face is what caught my attention. When we are holding hands, his love brightens my mood. I smile only because he makes me. How could two people be committed to each other for so long? We're young yet have so much potential. We step into each others shoes. We talk for hours. We text for days. Thinking about him In my daydreams. Counting how many times he says I love you. I feel myself smiling just because I see his text on my phone. Could we really reach this point? Don't all boys act the same? Don't they say the best blessings come when you don't see them coming. God has bless us. Every night we share the same star. A person can be so blind to what is beautiful because perfect is barely anywhere in this world. But when beauty is found, we clutch it. In darkness, it’s the only thing that shines on both of us.

I*  am  not  weak.
I am strong.
I will get through this.
It may be eating me alive,
but i'll end its hunger.
I am not weak.
I  am  a  *survivor.

Wind
The voice of the world
The songs of the mountains
It's a beautiful melody
Filled with swirling storms
Consumed with so much emotion
It's like a flowing volcano
Ragging with strong emotion
Letting it slip out ever so beautifully

Do I look together?
The picture of finesse?
I'm just a fleck of nothing.
A flit of consciousness.

I'm not all that wise
Tho I like to kid myself
I'm a bozo on the bus
Like everybody else.

Can I say that I am weak?
Hurting? Often wrong?
If I didn't have The Lord,
You know I'm not that strong.

I'm in system overload
And I'm kept awake
My life is a disaster
My sanity's at stake!

I want you all to like me
I people please, you see.
I find it very hard at times
To exhale and just be me!

Yes. Right now I'm holding breath!
I can't even wheeze,
Because I fear your judgement
I can't find release!

But I guess the truth
Is sometimes hard to find
So I'll just muddle on right here
Speechless deaf and blind

Can you all relate to this?
I tell you it's true
I'm hanging on by cobwebs...

... maybe JUST LIKE YOU.


/:-(   Catherine

When you kiss me
Do you taste
The words left dead on my lips
A mouthful of ghosts?

When you breathe me in
Do you fill your lungs
Then choke me down
Like a shot of whiskey?

When you touch me
Do you trace your fingers
Along the signature
Depression left on my arms?

When you hold me
Do you feel all the pieces
That won’t ever be put back together
Can you tell
That’s the way I was made?

I’m not broken
Because I was never whole
In the first place.

These furry creatures
Climb and climb making it hard
To see their features