They say how can you feel utterly alone, What they don't see is they just made you feel this way. You ask may I join you on your adventures today as you awoke full of life and energy, They found every reason why you should not be part of their adventure. Instead of watching them trying to catch their breath filled with lies and excuses. Why cant they just say no not today. Can they not see that through the darkness you reached, But instead of feeling the warmth of their light, You felt the jolt singe your skin, You back away when you were able to peer into their heart. That fire burning was not the warmth of light welcoming in it was meant to push you away. They set the pace with whispers, thinking you did not hear, the look in both their eyes reveals their truths of both their hearts. One day you will feel what you did , said, and how you treated others will come back at you and say " hey remember me?" Now it's your turn to feel how you hurt others and their pain inflicted by your mind and actions. Do you think you will be able to withstand their pain or will their hurt and loneliness consume you. Yes laugh now and go ahead and think that you gained between two hearts blackened with your malice, but one day it will be back to visit you when you sip from the truth filled inside the chalice . © cherry rose

That I know..

You are very much hurting everyday
You feel like you just can't get away
Tears of blood cloud in your eyes till you can't see
Hurting and hurting longing to be free

Tears congregate and form into a puddle
Silently you are masking the pain, the struggle
All these while you are suffering in silence
Quietly resisting the emotional violence

You lift your eyes, but dimmed with grief
Your sorrow lends but only weak relief
You die everyday, you are wearied
It's like you're dressed at the funeral of regret, not yet buried

The stabbing pain you don't wish to bare
Nothing could make you feel better even if you share
You are gathering the strength you have in your soul
To beat the drums, feed the fire with coal

You are dipping your pain in inkwell heart
And scrawling out what you are feeling
Those words becoming the tourniquet
You don't know when your heart will stop bleeding

The night stretches before me
Dark and unforgiving
Beckoning me
Into it's complete silence.
It terrifies me and draws me in.
My jaws aches from clenching
Against my screams.
It's relentless in it's pursuit
Of my soul.
My fear knows no bounds.
Morning arrives
And I sigh with relief,
Sit back
And wait for the night.

When I was 16, I slept-drove in my car.

Walking outside half-naked, I pulled my keys from my underwear like it was a jean pocket.

Entering my 2001 white Pontiac, I put the keys in the ignition and drove two miles before I merged onto the 101 S FWY.

I woke up terrified and behind the wheel, not knowing where I was until I was in the next city over. I drove back immediately.

Needless to say, I would have had no explanation if my parents or the authorities had found me...

She gets lost within the depths of her thoughts and mind ? Always asking herself questions. Why has life and people been so unkind. How can they not understand she is not the same woman from even just a year ago or from 3 years ago . Her life took a road that changed her from the inside out and her life that she thought she once knew. Now she stands everyday looking at a woman she does not know with scars she did not inflict and those she did; all because she wanted to be beautiful and thought if only. They tell her she looks fine but how can they understand that she longs to be unseen. The battle that exists within her own blood and bones is never ending. Her own voice and heart tell her to surrender or run but the outcome will remain the same and as will her fate be unchanged . She holds onto hope that gives her a reason to want to believe that her existence was not just a waste. She bows her head droplets of tears are the only sound heard upon the floor , lifting her head she again looks into
Her eyes, filled with so much hollow darkness how can anyone see beyond and Into her soul. She awakes everyday not knowing; is today the day? Going through the motions , trying hard with her facade , when asked she says she is okay. Yes they have been fooled, another scar appears if only she can change herself with each new one then maybe just maybe she would not despise herself so. Can't you see she has grown tired of this journey and wants to leave and go to a sanctuary where if all this confusion would disappear maybe she would fall asleep and finally awake, feeling the weight lifted with each step; as you watch from a distance ; She slowly vanishes.
© 2015 cherry rose

If you do not walk upon this rocky road. Instead you roll your eyes and walk away not even trying to open your heart and see what is inside her, And the battle going on inside not only her mind but her body and heart.

Closing my eyes, getting lost in daydreams of what I longed for all my life . Fantasizing about my unquenched thirst just to be loved. Without realizing each time we spoke what was right in front of me. Was it the fear of letting someone enter into my heart,of believing that what I was dreaming was your déjàvu . That warmth that surged into me like electricity, leaving me trembling, was the flame of your Majestical touch . Your voice echoed into where I dared not to let anyone enter. The musical symphony of both are hearts beat  and souls songs in a rhythmical eternal dance was created as you whispered those  three words , gently brushing your lips upon my skin left my mind hypnotized; seduced. Now that I have tasted your love I sit here dreaming with the hunger to feel you again. I await for my insatiable thirst and desire of you to leave me elated lost in euphoria of your  loving touch. Till then my heart returns to our déjàvu .

© copy write ~ cherry rose 2015

I am there, but always unseen
No one knows I have been
Vanity stripped from my bones
I have a heart that nobody owns
Shadows surround me forever
I want to be with her, whatever
But I feel demons dragging me back
Leaving me destinied to their attack
Each time she never sees me here

Making these lonely tears appear
An invisible man to the blind eyes
Never touching, but he always tries

I hear, there is no caring just lingering thoughts
Of what it's believed to never have been
Still your demons awakened my own
As i fulfilled my promise to give you all that i could

The evil surfaced in acid burns on the soul,
Your sulfur dragons born of barren dreams
Spewed fire that licked my flesh clean
And as you consumed the charred bits of my essence
I experienced the kind of freedom
Birthed in a place I never wanted to be

Relinquishing so much of my past, my pain
To have you grow stronger
As I dig my nails into my own flesh
To crawl out of the shadows I, myself, created

And I hear your gentle voice whisper vile commands
The hint of an evil smile as I dutifully acquiesce
Claimed in the darkness found in the corners of daylight
I kept my promise
And you claimed me
Mind, body, and soul

When my demons were quelled
As you slay them
As you bashed them into submission
My knight, in empty armor
My heart, now unbound, became full

Perhaps you believed that my heart would feed your own
But your heart turned to ash
The last time it loved
Still, your monsters were hungry
And my heart was full

You held me in the darkness
Your hand in mine
Keeping my sadness company
Turning friendship into love
'Tis who you are,
Who you hate yourself for being

In that place where your sweetness flows,
Where there is no doubt that you care
Your monsters ate my heart
Consuming chunks of my emotion
And I, having an abundance,
Was grateful for the chance to feed you

But my heart, now full of holes
Still mocked you in its ability to smile
So, you kissed me and held my heart once again
So I  would not drown in my own fear

And I gave you what you always wanted
Mind, body, heart, and soul

And there you were
All the while disgusted
That my promises
Don't feel like your reality
That my heart is more sweet than savory
And that my demons lie dormant
While yours are ravenous
Looking for new prey

The holes in my heart smolder
As I feel that familiar burn
The burn of the birth of new demons