I walk across the landing
and through the double doors
and aim towards the lift shaft,
that's where I'm going, of course.

It's as if it hears my footsteps
and needs no company
as that old elevator
shoots down to level 3.

Every single morning
as I approach its doors
it disappears pretty quick
down to those lower floors.

I swear it sees me coming
and doesn't like the look
so as I rush to hitch a ride
the **** thing slings its hook.

The doors are on a system,
computerised I read.
But whenever I get near them
they change the ****** speed.

I stand alone here waiting
and it just isn't fair
'cause I am stuck up here
when I want to be down there.

It speeds down to the bottom
and sits on the ground floor
you can here it taunting you
with the movements of the door.

Then after what seems ages
it gradually starts to rise
giving me some hope at last
as I can hear the noise.

Then it makes a pit stop
at another floor
and seems to take forever
to open and close its door.

Each and every level
seems to get a viewing
as if it wants to **** some time,
with my mind it is *******.

And then it reaches the sixth floor
as if it is my saviour
and finally opens up the doors
as if it's doing a favour.

It seems as if this machine
requires me to stalk
so now I've found the stairwell
and instead I'm going to walk.

Why do you live knowing you'll die?
I pondered this for a while
because it doesn't come that often
that I am struck with a question
finally I had a question as an answer
why do you smile knowing you'll cry?  
I was proud for coming up with an answer
when I heard the new question come up
why do you cry when you can smile?
And then again I was left struck
for in my head that never came up
question after question left unanswered
only pondered and pondered again
why do you live knowing you'll die?

You may think I am too sensitive
   I am just sensitive enough to cry to a sad song
   I am just sensitive enough to sing along to a song that touches my heart
   I am just sensitive enough to cry while watching a Hallmark movie
  I am just sensitive enough to listen to other’s troubles and either empathize or sympathize with them
  I am just sensitive enough to be a shoulder to cry on
  I am just sensitive enough to be a good friend
  I am just strong enough to not feel like apologizing for being sensitive because it is a part of who I am

All I can remember...
Was trying not to cry
My face was hot, and my eyes felt like grapes
about to burst from my head.
Hands gripped my throat, and still,
my body, unconvinced,
was shaking for air.

I don't remember scratching as much as I remember
Trying to move my legs.
All I know is that suddenly the wall was slamming into my back,
and my eyes could only focus on
the thin red lines on his bare arms.
I was pinned to the wall by my throat,
like a butterfly...
trying to fly away...
trying to get away...
Look, how pretty.
I thought if only God would show up,
I would never catch a butterfly again,
Promise.

I remember thinking,
"Please. Please. Please. Please."
More like a mantra than a prayer.
As if I was willing him to be finished with me,
my shell;
willing him to be pleased enough to just let me sleep.
Or die.
Or live.
But I couldn't really think of anything
without the oxygen pumping my ideas through me.

I didn't even realize when I stopped struggling,
I was just suddenly still and he said,
"Can't have you passing out."
And he let go.
And God let go.
And I let go.
And I started to cry
as he threw me over his shoulder.

I could see so many beautiful spots in my eyes.
There was Red. There was Blue.
Some of them were dancing.
Fading in and out.
It was like they were twinkling.
My own beautiful endless night sky.
Van Gogh, where are you?

Then I suddenly became aware of myself;
My shorts gone, my skin bare to the coldness.
I was lying with my hands pinned between my back and the floor.
I started taking stock of myself
And tasted blood on my lips.
I suddenly thought of pennies;
lots of pennies floating in front of my eyes.
No wonder they were twinkling.

I heard more than felt
him laboring above me.
He was silent and wouldn't look at my face.
And I was aware of my eyes burning
as salt water seeped out on
a quest for the ocean.
I was going with them.
My tears.
I would be a sea captain.
Far from this.
Call me Ishmael.

But it was the most quiet I've ever cried
as if I didn't want the weeping to disturb him.

"God, please. please. please."

And I was taken back to another form
hovering above my young body,
whispering things into my ear about playing house,
and staying quiet;
"Shhh. Mommies have to be quiet."
I wanted to go back to playing with my dollhouse.
Please, let me go play with my dollhouse.

I am breathing on my own again.
I am back in the room, staring up in horror,
at a boy I thought I knew.
I was trained for this,
I was taught to be silent
from childhood.
I was shown how to react to this
so long ago;
in silence.

But I was not born for this.
I couldn't have been born for this.
I was born to give life, I was born to create,
I was born to bring hope.
I am a divine creation,
Aren't I?
I feel like I'm floating.

He is finished with me.
He lets me go.
But for some reason I don't know how to sit up anymore.
He walks out to have a cigarette.
My throat is sore,
My eyes are burning,
and I feel bruised under my skin,
all the way to the middle.
To a soft part in the center
that I suddenly see
as a tender nimbus,
floating over my chest.
Forcing me to rise
and walk again.
Up, up, and away.

Sometimes things go as planned
Other times things turn out unexpectedly
We then have to take the good with the bad
because that's life
not every thing is scheduled and planned
like a sudden sickness or emergency or injury
time like that it is helpful to take the hand of a family member
or friend, and pray for the best
We all know at times life can be a test

It helps  to do your best to think positive when it seems that you are faced with the worst
You can sometimes get stronger from things unplanned
Some great things that are unplanned are a Surprise visit from a family member you love
Or a unexpected visit with a friend
Or a pleasant and unexpected phone call or message
The pleasant unplanned moment's can help you get through
the difficult unplanned times of life
I hold the pleasant unplanned moments close to my heart
It makes life worth living  after all