Take the ten thousand fragments
Of this heart you stomped on so cruely
To win your popularity contest

Avoiding obvious feelings
Of which you proclaimed
Sweep them under the rug
This heart breaks no more
It will never be broken
It will never be fixed

Love is nothing but misery to me
Yet love is a game to you

I'm okay with not being okay
and that's okay
I didn't want to wake up
and face the day today
Didn't want to be alone again
Surrounded only by empty air
and voices in my head
Telling me they've told me
For the millionth time to let go
and I hold on tighter
Let it out but keep the leash on
Let it leech my hopes out of me
But that's okay I guess
I promise I'm okay
Even when I'm not

Today my heart decided to weight down in my chest to keep me grounded in reality. Reality that I love and I hate just as I love and hate myself for reasons only understood if you walked where I walked.

The sun stretched her rays across my face and somehow it reminded me of her, the subtle glow she had at times when everything just felt right. She was a sunset waterfall on a clear summer evening.

God, the thoughts in my head that are stuck like a spin cycle. I fall asleep loving her, wake up missing her, and live every day without her. That thing I mentioned earlier, reality, says she's gone but my heart still says no.

So let me write about everything inside that makes me feel so hollow. She was everything I invested in but could not impress so instead she impressed on me that she wasn't the one for me like she knew better. Maybe darling, we both are wrong.

You're an unknown,
An apocalypse waiting for someone to say "yes"
When the storm brews and bruises everything you know,
What is there to show or to tell?
Battered hearts strewn at show & tell;
Go tell the teacher we're all hurting down here;
Our pride keeps us from looking up, so we look down and let our tears water the grass and we call ourselves gods for that;
Like surviving a broken heart is a supernatural power
that surviving love transforms us into super heroes;
Nothing about us is super or heroic;
We're just all broken to varying degrees

Amazing how for no reason//
Everything will remind me of her//
And all this weight I carry on my spine//
Breaks my mind in two//
The past//
The present//
The what-ifs//
The colors of reality move in slow motion//
Just like the memory reel playing in my head//
Lost in thought and talking to ghosts//
These headaches don't go away anymore//
I'm drowning in the deserts of my mind//
Let it go, hold on, it's all the same
Sterile and stoic madness, shame//
I lay down and dream to never wake//

I wasn’t trying to follow
Nor be followed
I just wanted to walk beside you
!