you are always ticking inside of me & I dream of you more often than I don't.
I want you to know you secretly inspire me like the stars do to a dreamer & the moon does to the sea.
You're my morning stretch , my evening calm. My profane rhyme , my secret psalm , my definition of felicity - the part of me , apart from me....
you make me happy.

I want so badly to protect you from the world because I know all too well how bad it can be.

I wanna be the reason you continue to breathe , the reason you try smile , the reason you try be positive and as much as we both going through our own fuxked up mess , I wanna be your mess and maybe you can be mine.

You're the epitome of love - the greatest definition.

I love you - don't think I say it out of habit , I've learnt all too well that love is not just a word or phrase used.

It's an abstract object that combines two souls that groove together , & that other soul is yours.

I don't know a perfect person , however I know a flawed person worth loving.  

I call you love as if it's your first name , because to my eyes you are the essence of it.

Here I am crying - having thoughts about how you could have just been an alcoholic & I was just yet another bottle .
How I know you're ******* me over yet I stay & love you unconditionally .
I just guess I'm in denial of the fact that you've hurt me once & still know you could be hurting me - cheating & lying.
Everyday you tell me 'you love me' but never is there a day you'll show your love & affection by doing the sweetest and simplest things such as calling me on the phone or even telling the world I'm yours . I guess I’m just a question that would hurt for you to answer.
I deserve your apologies for a lifetime but you don't definitely don't deserve me , my forgiveness nor  my love .  My heart made an excuse for why I should stay .
I can't keep crying for a love I deserve. I promised I'd never let somebody break me like you did but ironically I've been breaking myself by staying throughout this journey .
Here I know I can write you love letters you don't deserve because I'm no longer addicted to the possibilty of us 'forever' At least I got some heart-wrenching stories out of it.
You formed yourself into my habit, like daily tea cups , your absence made my heart grow its own flowering garden.  

But one thing I always remember ; Your heart isn’t meant to beat for anyone but yourself.

My silent plant.

Part of my family, you’ve always been.
Our home signifies earth; your *** is Eden.
We're union of Chlorophyll and melanin.
Chlorophyll gives you a colour.
Melanin determines my skin colour.

I however, don’t know your language.
Your leaves maybe speak sign language.
Their colour depicts seasonal change.
Their brightness shows being well watered.
You are yet to utter a word.

Sometimes people give bias verdicts.
I hence tell you some of my problems and secretes.
Hope I’m not taking advantage of your silence.
Golden is your silence.
It feels better than biasness and verdicts.

I wish you could tell me when you’re thirsty.
I wish you could tell me if you're timesly watered.
If you could talk, what would you tell me?
Oh how I wish I knew how you feel about me.
Maybe by Darwin’s theory you’ll evolve and answer me.

She's sometimes afraid of him.
Afraid that he'll shut her out.
She is deep in it and she is willing to do anything to make sure that it doesn't happen.
This feeling of feeling so into him isn't gonna leave her anytime soon.
Every time she tries to forget about him,
she finds herself remembering all the good he has said.

She's afraid of being replaced.
A part of her believes she wouldn't but reality tells her a different story.
All the strings in her broke and she is losing her mind.
She is losing her mind over some guy.
A guy who teases her for being in love with him.
A guy who to me doesn't know what love is.

She's not gonna force anything.
Whether what she wants to happen happen or not,
she will be okay.

She knows that she has to somehow forget about him but she can't.
She is feeling alone and lost.
Broken.
She should be feeling love.

But I guess she's afraid of that too.

They bleed forever and I don't wanna spend my forever hurting.. I've always imagined it to be fairytale like.

Now all I see is the  darkness all around me that is about to consume me. I don't mean to, but i'm allowing it more time to work, more time to brainwash me into thinking that its normal. I can feel it turning my heart to stone.

At least it wont bleed.

It will just be heavy and dark but it wont bleed. I pretend to be strong and I pretend it doesn't do me damage. You should know by now that I don't like showing weakness.

With no one to talk to my heart hurts from its cage. Cant talk to anybody because I have nothing to say. I don't even know how I feel.

Open wounds don't heal.

With my heart of stone I still cry out with the same heavy tone. What is now real is the darkness that is turning me into a loner. An Introvert.

I guess I should've paid attention to the wound sooner 'cause now I'm about to bleed to death.

Would you help me if you knew that I'm dying inside.
If you knew that I cry myself to sleep every night.
Its not about the attention.
Its about a 17 year old girl who is really asking for help.
I didn't know loving hurts so much.
I didn't know people could be so cruel.
I didn't know.

Would you help me if you knew that a sometimes I write with silver?
If you knew that life doesn't excite me anymore.
In all honesty its not about the attention.
Its about a 17 year old girl who is tired of hurting.
I didn't know loving you could bring me such pain.
I didn't know you could be so cruel.
I didn't know.

Your the only one that can help me though.
Your the only one that can put me out of my misery.
Your the only one that can end this.

You may say that I have trust issues. But do you really blame me? I mean, we live in a dark world so excuse me for having trust issues.

We live in a world were desires rule the hearts of many. People looking out for themselves and making others feel less important.

What happened to loving your neighbour?
What happened to helping each other?.. I'll tell you what happened.

All the good people are turning into bad people because of the bad people who were once good people. All the good people are tired.

I'm tired. Tired of always being more selfless and less selfish. Tired of being more considerate and less considerable.

But I have been redefined. Redefined by the pain, hurt, sadness, anger, depression and being too good.

I have been redefined because I kept everyone out and that one in. Redefined because I trusted too much. Redefined because I'm tired.

All the good people are turning into bad people because of the bad people who were once good people.

So excuse me for having trust issues.

Can't move on. Everything reminds me of him and the love we could have had.
I smile to hide the pain but my cheeks hurt.
I'm going nowhere.
Writing makes things better and only makes things worse.
It takes the pain away and it escalates it.
Emotions getting the better of me.
Hating everything and everyone except for him.
He is proud of himself for getting me all worked up.
And I'm disappointed in myself for getting all worked up over a stranger that introduced me to darkness.
That introduced me to pain and anger.
I wish to stop allowing him to **** me over.
But it's like I'm enjoying the pain.
I enjoy getting hurt.
That's the only way to explain why I still love him.
I somehow found pleasure in pain.
That's the only way to explain why I still try.
I'm addicted to the pain.

A ghost in a machine
A distant heartbeat
A wretched reflection
In the graveyard of affection
Voices repeated but barely heard
Screams so loud yet unheard
A naked soul encased within the ground
Feasted on by this hell hound
Bound to forever remain unfound

The beginning of the end,
A brief moment of happiness
On a freshly stretched canvas
Then Gone with the blowing wind,
without track or trace,
just like the rest
Like fine sand, through my fingers
Away the one slips  
Our bridge burns down to ashes
Then the heart crashes
A journal spreads open
Begs to get touched
In sorrowed cries and swollen eyes
The ink rhymes
Then the soul dies
The end

4:45 am

Heavy feels and a turquoise blue beach
It's daytime but I'm haunted by
All my Night-time dreams,
still tainted by the memory of you,
That barely even feels true..

Oceans of tears I've cried
Over the tears you left in my heart
The tears you left behind
When you waved your final goodbye
Before you could even sing me one more lullaby

It's daytime and I'm still
A slave to any semblance of your affection;
Your never-lasting love,
Your pretty words
Your fading touch
And your sensuality,
I choke on reality's brutality
Now That they Are nowhere to be found
When all I ever felt for you,
has always been A love that's so profound


A countless times I drown
For you had decided I didn't deserve the crown
For me to be queen of your heart
Even when it was you who first fell hard.

Lust or love?
I ask as I yearn for a perfect world
Our perfect world
The perfect world that started out as a sketch
Later turned into a masterpiece
That was utter peace;
A happy you, a happy me
A happy 'us'
Oh, it must've been lust...

So I kneel beside my fallen tears by the turquoise blue beach
Wishing you could see all them words
I wrote on vanished walls
As you stand tall
And as I fall
Remembering all the days I can hardly remember.