Feelings are funny things
I used think feelings were the sweet feelings you felt when you were very young
When you were little
(Before the emptiness came)
These were what feelings were... to me.

So it used to baffle me when I got older
After I'd gone through some traumas of my own in life
And suddenly I found much to my dismay
That I no longer felt anything inside myself anymore
Only an emptiness, a numbness, a nothingness... a void
Those lovely early feelings had now all gone
I knew...I knew there was something wrong

But then I'd hear some people say
"Oh, I feel this way or I feel that way... I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel...
And I'd think to myself What! you still feel something inside yourself
Y'know Me! I don't feel anything anymore
All my old feelings that made me who I was they've  all gone
And I have no idea how to get them back again.

But then I'd think
Y'know when you say you feel...say you feel lonely or depressed or calm and confident
Overwhelmed or in control... whatever!
all these different emotions/ so called feelings
But these aren't.... these aren't the real feelings are they
Not like the feelings you had when you were a little child
Their just... aren't they just words describing mental states where/how you find yourself during the day
You feel sad probably because you're thinking sad thoughts
Or you feel happy because you're thinking happy thoughts
But sure I could do that
Yea! I could say well I feel... I feel hungry
Or I feel a bit apprehensive about something that's coming up
Or maybe I feel excited because I'm going out to a show somewhere
But these... these aren't the real feelings are they though
Not the lovely sweet feelings you had as a little child
No! Their not the same.

Y'know when a child comes into the world they start as a clean slate
They have no words at all to begin with
Yet even then they have these incredible sweet feelings inside that make them feel so happy and so special
It makes them feel like they own the whole world
Maybe... maybe their a symptom of the Divine. I...I don't know.

And I'd say this to someone sometimes and it's like they'd look at me kind of strangely
As if to say "What do you mean... when you say... the real feelings!

Eyes, Why is the beauty that isn't yours making you blind?

Other than my family and my golden circle of very select real friends
For those no longer in reach or out of touch
Grateful for the time we had and that you passed my way
Fair weathered  friends and otherwise
Last three years we lost a parent and two Dear friends
You, Poetry have been my constant companion
So on my daily walk
The bush had one tiny flower with an opal center
Surrounded by orchid and lavender
Who was saying Hello?
Poetry doesn't judge ,it listens
Let's me get things out and over
Let's me share
My friend Poetry

C@rainbowchaser2023

The eons of my life are passing by in a jiffy
Feels like a dream this life
It was only yesterday
That I was cradled in my mother's arms
Her sweet lullaby dispelling my fears
Her motivating words always keeping me positive
Then as the years went by..
...From crawling to walking
From mumbling gibberish to talking...
...I  gradually learnt it all
And yet sometimes I feel like I haven't changed at all
I'm still that shy reserved soul
Absorbing pain and loneliness every single day of my existence
The same introvert finding happiness and comfort in my writings
All my life I've always felt like a misfit for some reason
Now many decades later I still feel the same...
...sure I've changed somewhat
I've aged...
I've lost some hair.. some teeth
I've become a bit forgetful
Times have changed..
Technology has become more prevalent
I'm adapting or at least trying to adapt to these changes as best as I can
...But somethings have remained the same...
I was a loner many eons ago
And I'm still one
And yet I'm still living...
...surviving
...trying to find happiness in whatever I do
Learning or at least trying to learn something each and every day of my life..
Perhaps I guess I'm enjoying the silence and beauty that loneliness offers
I guess solitude is the only thing I have that I can truly enjoy
And if I don't ever find any companionship.. At least I know that I'll always have loneliness by my side...
I sometimes wonder.. Have I lived my life to the fullest?
...Have I achieved all my goals in life?
And I sit and think for hours and days and I just can't come up with any answers to these two questions
I guess I'll never know the answers to these.. Perhaps I'm not meant to...

If you don't Think
It's a Con
You're Dead
wrong!

If you don't Think
It's a Con
You're Dead
wrong!

If you don't Think
It's a Con
You're Dead
wrong!

If you don't Think
It's a Con
You're Dead
wrong!


                                NOW
                   Only

One
                      question remains:
                  
                            What is It?

                                       ...

If you don't Think
It's a Con
You're Dead
wrong!
            
                                      ...
Bu­t what is It?

we just stood in the pouring rain
then warm dawn came,
sun running through trees on
Screaming Hill,

the way your hair falls down
around your face,
you look so pretty to me,

my lady of the rain

a rainbow around the sun
and I long to hold you,
the blue sky sowing stardust
and l'll always love you,
O, my lady of the rain