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 Oct 2016
Mike Hauser
I've got 2 bit psychic powers
On that just trust me
Where barely beyond my nose
Is how far into the future I can see

And as far as communicating goes
With those on the other side
I have a hard enough time talking with
Loved ones here in life

My bank account is so low
I can't afford a Crystal ball
The closest thing I have to that
Is the glass **** on my door

Where the only reflection in it
That I have ever seen
Is my sweaty palm print
As I daily take my leave

And when it comes to Tarot cards
I would never dare to touch
The only pictures that I like
Are those in comic books

So sit across the table
And gaze into my eyes
You'll see I'll be a 2 bit psychic
Until the day I die
 Oct 2016
Jamaal J Ferguson
Woop As the siren blares/

Scared nervous/
I hear a loud pull over!/

Its the Grammar Police/
awwww snap
They want to see my diploma/

I keep my hand on the pen
Like I don't even notice/

In my window of opportunity
Asking/

Son Do you know why I pulled you over?/
Cause I'm in the office
sir writing these poems?/

I take full responsibility
I don't got no diploma
I just got this GED/

He said that's not good enough
Put down the pen son
Your coming with me/

Now there's Turmoil thru the streets
drama around every corner/

There should be no commas
Period I question marked your honor/

Butchering with clevers
run on sentences for ever/

The alphabet guys set up
Planted evidence missing letters/

Sworn I had it down to a T
The I before E
how does that go?/

Well don't look now
I done broke another law/

How ever this may trouble you
I keep my vowels sometimes Y & W/

Somethings not write I'm reeling feeling uncomfortable/

Is it me?
Well don't you see/
A fused two V's?/

That's my story
I'm sticking to it
my testimony/

Yet we speak it double U/
confused by another rule/

They label me an outlaw
In the middle of the court room/

A mystery/ A victim being pursued/ by the Grammar police/

The jury siding with the prosecution
I may never be released/

Its Invictus/
The defense rest
Now they have an eye-witness/

With an eye on who did this/

There,     their,      they're,      hair,     heir      and..... here/

The Ironies in the rule book/
similar sounding confused look/

If i where to spoke this and not
wrote this you would have not notice/

No no Input
was it done on purpose?/
For a purpose?/

One things for certain/

If l lay dying dead in the street
It's cause you took shots at me

Just remember I wasn't perfect/

But you are the grammar police
Just doing your job I know working/
The English language is tricky. The rules vary depend on whom you ask, talk to or reference. Many people have trouble with the language and the others want to forsake it this is how it looks to me.
 Sep 2016
martin
I met my neighbour ths morning so I asked him how he was.

Oh fine, yes we're fine thank you. And how are you both?

I said you should go to Specsavers mate, there's only one of me.
oh well
it made me laugh
 Sep 2016
PaperclipPoems
What if you could read another person's thoughts
What if you could hear their mind
If you could see what they think...
You may be better off blind
ReflectionPoetry.com

Just a thought
 Sep 2016
Joel M Frye
The power of music
and friendship
heals dead connections;
a well-meaning member
of a jam session
offers me a guitar.
I politely decline,
embarrassed by my disability,
and they shrug.  Your choice.
The familiar curves
beneath my arm
like a woman
from my past,
my amnesiac left hand
reaches for the
muscle memory
of fifty years' practice.
After an agonizing minute,
the G chord miraculously plays,
as I played it at five,
the three big fingers alone
strong enough to hold it.
The switch to C impossible;
so I play a variation.
Doesn't sound bad with the group.
My God, I might play a D7
by the next time it comes around
in the song.
The gang is playing old standards,
Ohio State music;
three chords and a cloud of dust,
which suits my present skill(?) well.
I almost cried when a few tunes later,
we sang A Horse With No Name
to my accompaniment.

Beethoven was deaf, yet heard the Ode To Joy.
Hawking is paralyzed, and travels the universe.
I have three good fingers,
and no good excuses.
 Aug 2016
phil roberts
As so often
I find myself telling the same story
Of a reckless young man
Who skated on thin ice
With every move and decision
A gamble
A spin of the wheel
Risking sanity, soul and life
Spin and spin again
Add passion to the grinding day
Add colour to the morbid grey
Oh, foolish young man
Now that he's old and damaged
Boredom raises it's dull-eyed head
As he practises being dead
Spin and spin again

                                  By Phil Roberts
 Aug 2016
phil roberts
It's a man's life
With a hunting knife
And if you want even more fun
You can get yourself
A ****** big gun
And then drink lots of beer
'Cos we're real men 'round here

We all love sport
We're the sporting sort
But when the decision goes their way
The ref's been sold and bought
And then we drink lots of beer
'Cos we're all very happy 'round here

But we all work
Every day we can
Making lots and lots of money
For a richer man
But we've got enough for beer
'Cos we're a load of drunks 'round here

                                               By Phil Roberts
 Aug 2016
phil roberts
I live on the Hurdsfield Estate
To the north-east of town
Set on the edge of the countryside
And at the foot of the hills
It's idyllic in many ways
But with a character of it's own

For a start there's the H.A.T.
Which stands for
The Hurdsfield Assault Team
Which has existed for generations
With sons following fathers
They see themselves as protectors
Of the place where they live

There was one memorable instant
When two policemen entered the flats
To arrest someone several floors up
The H.A.T. boys gathered around
The unattended cop car
Whilst someone blocked the lift
They bounced and bounced that car
Until they turned it on it's roof

Now, I don't know if this is true
But it's said that Santa won't come here
Apparently, the last time he did
Before he got back up the first chimney
His sleigh was on bricks
And half the estate were eating venison
But as I said
That's just what I heard

                                   By Phil Roberts
 Aug 2016
Mike Adam
On pigeon toes
sent back the
little money
borrowed to
survive the day.

Spikes on Jesus' head
Rio

Just wrong.

Suffer the little birdies
to **** all over me.
 Jul 2016
r
You know how you're down and out
on the river, three sheets to the wind,
doing some night casting, a little
moonlighting to pay off the bill,
and you decide, by god I'm tired
of drifting, I think I'll anchor here.

Me, I'm living on beer, boiled eggs,
and ruined mascara. Tonight,
I'll make enough to buy a roll of dimes
so she can play the box, so she can drop
them in the sawdust, on purpose
and lean over, oh me, oh my.
 Jun 2016
Pixievic
There are some very well meaning ladies
Who hang out by my local shops
Their aim in life is to rescue
They chatter away nonstop
Clutching their Bibles tightly
Their gaze is quite unnerving
They stop me fairly regularly
I clearly look like I need saving
For religion I have no objection
But choose myself not to live
My life caught up in this practice
So I approach feeling pensive
Eyes cast down as so to avoid
These women in twin sets and pearls
I skirt round the edge of their circle
My body beginning to curl
But alas I was too slow
And squarely in my path
Stood a force to be reckoned with
I thought her brave to risk my wrath
She said ..."Take God into your heart
he'll keep you out of strife
I know that he can help you
find what you want from life?!"
"Well Thank you very much "
I said with a smile not unkind
"But I already know
I just need to unwind
From life I want a bass line
Throbbing in its sound
And a **** load of tequila
To get my evening off the ground
And perhaps a line or two
Of something to uplift
My mood and my spirit
(I think you get my drift!)
But mostly what I'm after is
A bit of bump & grind
And now I'm going shopping
I hope that you don't mind"
And so I stepped around her
Continued calmly on my way
I left her to explain
Exactly what it was I'd had to say
A few days later I returned
They were there again
I was not alone this time
With me, my son Ben
I held my head up high
Walked swiftly to the door
Surely they'd not stop me
After what I'd said before
I was wrong - but it wasn't me
That they had in their sights
With such an dreadful mother  
They thought they'd show my boy the light
The same one as before
Got down upon her knees
Put her face in his face
And as I began to seethe
She took his hand in her hand
So I could not run
"Do you believe in Jesus?
Do you love him son?"
He looked at her then looked at me
Then proved that he was mine
"I love Minecraft" he said sweetly
"But mummy just loves wine!"
Now
If you choose to live your life
With God as your Saviour
I think that's great - but
Please do me a favour
Don't force feed your opinion
While I go about my day
Or I'll feel compelled to give you mine
And you might not like what I've got to say!!

(C) Pixievic


https://soundcloud.com/vicki-ayers/divine-negativity-written
I wrote this awhile ago but it's part of my set tonight so I thought I'd share it - I have nothing against people who are religious but I do object to having their opinions forced upon me ....!!
 Jun 2016
phil roberts
She was our first grandchild
And naturally
We loved her dearly
And I adored her
As only grand-dads can
And she latched onto me

She used to come to us every Tuesday
At a time when kids are most interesting
She was fully conversational
(Didn't we all know it)
Her personality was emerging
And she was still young enough
To have her originality and imagination
My little gold mine of joy

And this is how it would go

"Grand-dad, you be the shop keeper
And I'll bring my dollies in for clothes."
So she would lay out her doll's outfits
And bring her dolls forward to buy clothes
She would haggle over the price (and win)
And pay me in cardboard coins

"Let's watch a video, Grand-dad!
Let's watch Barny!" (Again)
I hate that ****** purple dinosaur
And Katie thinks he's wonderful
That smarmy voice of his
"I love you and you love me,"
I bleeding don't you know
I wouldn't let him within a hundred miles
Of any kids of mine.

In the course of the day
I would be called upon
To play multiple parts in
Everything from The Three Bears
To Little Red Riding Hood
In which I memorably became
Big Bad Wolf and Grandma
And presumably ate myself

But the highlight of the day
Was the last thing before she went home
The weekly show
"Introduce me, Grand-dad!"
In my best showman's voice
"Ladies and gentlemen...!"
To my wife and dog
"...The moment you've been waiting for.
Fresh from her recent tour
Of our back garden.....
Miss Katie......."
"Katie Spice, Grand-dad."
"Miss Katie SPICE!"

Into some popular ditty of the day
Issuing from her at full volume
Then she would stop mid-line
While she did a little dance step
All greeted by thunderous applause
In her head it was Carnegie Hall
Rather than my wife, my dog and me
So, a happy end to a happy day
Then Katie went home
And I slipped into an exhausted coma

                                           By Phil Roberts
 May 2016
the Sandman
Lost soul visits the store across the road
To pick up some rope and a stool;
He looks both ways before crossing the street.
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