Stand up.
Back off.
Just leave me alone.
These vines have grown over everything,
and it's hard to find a home.

Break through.
Nevermind.
I'll keep this carpet clean.
It's seen things you'll never know.
Only vacuums know what I mean.

Hear me out.
Ignore me.
**** up everything.
Spit it out in failed attempts to capture the moment.

oh, we were both too young
for love
when we first started out,
and there were still so many things
we didn't
know
about --
and for the past two years
we have been happier
apart
and in those years
we both had others
in our mind & heart --
we haven't slept in the same bed, love,
since the gods know when,
we haven't shared our dreams
or even had a drink
since then --
but when you're feeling lonely
call me
say you're feeling blue
and I willl find a taxi, train,
and be right there with you.
and when you want to cry for hours
and don't even know what for,
text me that you need me and
I will come running to your door.
we have argued, broken up,
I do not want you back, and I'm
in love with someone else --
but call me -- I will be there
every
time.

This place gets old
Stained walls,
Broken roads..
Surrounded, crowded..
Still, familiar..
Only familiar
Something's different
The scent?
The people? You?
Ah, No more you...

Your walk,
How you look..
More certain..
Different from what I've known
Is it change?
Is it the clock?
That keeps ticktocking
And every tick is a step
Taking you away
Far from me..

Time changes everything
Wait, no, no..
Time leads us..
To 'who we're suppose to be'
We don't change..
In process of getting to know
We discover,
This life
This place
Ourselves.

If I was to
Depend on
Man and
Not God
Where would
I be right now?
Nowhere whatsoever.

When I found out I had to see you again,
I was terrified.
My body shook, I was petrified.
I lost all sense in me. I was horrified.
I couldn't breathe I was mortified.

The memories came rushing in leaving my bruised heart traumatised.
I couldn't breathe as I thought about how good we used to be,
How happy I was.
How your pearly whites took me further than cloud 9,
How your laugh was filled with so much enthusiasm and honesty,
How your piercing brown eyes took me to utopia,
How your touch was euphoric, better than ecstasy.
How just being with you made me believe in soul mates.

But now it's just sheer pain.
I can't bear to lock my eyes with yours.
My heart holds the pain of a thousand needles pierced in.
It hurts more when I see you.
I still love you.
It hurts so ******* bad knowing you're still in control.

always there

and suddenly gone

too quietly
too fast
  to adapt to the absence
  of your presence

why did you not
go to your check-ups

why did you pretend
to smile
when you knew
you were dying

why

   why

      why

we taught each other
to enjoy
a lingering kiss
   soft touches
     loving glances
the built-up tension unreleased
    but in secret solitude
       at night
a yearning for fulfilment
   never to be granted
as we moved out of school
and into different lives

I saw her last
only a few years after
  alarmed by news from mutual friends
two days before her death

she did not recognize me
   any more
as I stood terrified
beside her bed
in a secluded section
of the cancer ward

I had arrived too late

my loving stutter
   already out of reach
her blindly searching gaze
passed on through me

it hurt
like nothing else before

I cried my grief out
in long sobbing nights
yet still not long enough
to heal the pain
nestling since then
   quietly
in thinly calloused
wrinkles of my heart

            * *

sad I am
     and go to bed
lock my heart up
     from inside
in my soul
     I dim the light

so none sees
    so none hears
all the fury
   all the pain
struggling in my flood of tears

the power of disappointment
is always remarkable

how dark
a sunny day
how ordinary
the loveliest loving woman
how destitute
a happy life

in those moments
when we cannot forgive
ourselves

This can't be real
This pain I feel
I'm in a dark cave
All alone never to be saved

Won't somebody find me?
Open my eyes, let me see
Bring me back into the light
Into happiness and what's right

I hide myself under a pile of lies
So no one sees the secrets behind these immortal eyes

No one understands and they never will
Why my life is like a big long bill
I have to pay the price of living
It's myself that I am giving

Depression is what drags me under
Why can't they hear my screams I wonder
I'm screaming to you
Please help me through

There has to me more than this
Somewhere out there, there must be bliss
But until I find it I am here
In this pool of unforgiving tears.