Obviously from experience I make a rather easy target
How easy it will be for you to just blame me
Say I am the one who let you down
Tell yourself that I was childish and in mature
That I caused you heartbreak on purpose
That I felt nothing and how easy it was for me to forget you
To move on with life as if we never existed
Get angry with me
Show me your true colors, show me some resemblance of emotion or caring
Anger is so much easier to cope with than pain or loss of love
Give it your best shot dear
Blame me, for the end
Blame me for the silence
Blame me for the loneliness
Blame me for the memories turned to dust
There was no breakup, no loss of relationship
Just loss of friendship
My reasons to do so may have been selfish
But I had to let go, had to set you free from the "what if" that is me.

I Can't Do This Anymore, I Give Up.

Spinning in circles,
looking up at the rain on this dark autumn night,  
it caresses the contours of my face, like you used to do,  
the memories ***** my brain like a thousand shards of ice,
I was once a believer but all I have left is this torn up soul.
Used up wishes and unlit cigarettes,
staring at the bottom of a thousand coffee cups,  
empty like the promises we once carved on blocks of stone.

__________

A burdensome emotion burst
Dates are being curse
Playing dark games like infinity
Just to lessen this insanity


Pen turned into blade
Eyes red need a shade
A fake smile for survival
To simply hide views about suicidal


Blame fate for this horn
Scars of many thorns
A life he resemble to a naught
Simply pessimistic thought


Followers of great hand want to touch this soul
To save him from gates of hole
Simply a name not in list
Still at the end he penned his wrist



written: November 28, 2014 at  11:00 pm
Mysterious Aries

There are too many hairs
I keep blowing off my keyboard
To pretend they aren’t there
And that they can be ignored.
I can't pretend I have gone blind,
I am admitting they are all there
And that they come from me;
They truly are my own hair.

It must be true, I hazard
Because I can see my scalp.
It’s a situation from aging
For which there is no help.
I have long expected it.
It will do no good to whine.
The disappearing tonsure
I needs must claim as mine.

And so I placate myself
With selfish comparisons
I may look older than others
But much better than some.
Not many decades ago
I once thought sixty was old.
I am thankful for my friends
Who decided not to scold.

They knew I was being
Just the least bit callow.
But they avoided labeling me
With words like vain and shallow.
So, perhaps the vain part
I have with me even now,
And I would abandon that
If I could figure out how.

She change a lot
After a year, when we become one
I've always asked her, but
Repeatedly I've heard none

I knew she was hiding something
I've felt it in my bone
She refused to stop working
When I've said "woman's place should be at home"

My friends told me, to look into her eyes
"You are not looking good" they've said
Really our situation is not getting nice
She doesn't play well on our bed

To chop the ice
Might be I will find another mysterious elf
So I look into her eyes
And I saw my pity jealous self

10/08/2015
Mysterious Aries

You cant save my life
I am drawn
drawn in my own pain

You cant make me happy
I am covered
Covered with my own grief

You cant read me
I am written in the paper
damped by my own tears

I just want to fade into the
Background to be only
White noise,
A fuzzing a buzzing.
A screen I'm in that's void.